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Open Poetry #46
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Compassion
| Open Poetry #46 |
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Compassion |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now 
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You need me, don`t you, with your startled hair dull bottle-black and striped with careful blue, need my bland vanilla as foil to your donned defiance; or what use that knob of stainless steel punched through your tender lip? You need the curious impact your deliberate disorder obtains; when the crawling ache of being marginalized freezes your chest. So you shop, spend precious hours and income on this veil, of mourning clothes and rebel robes, black as the angst you want to feel black boots, black studded wrists black as the kohl around your desperate eyes. Yes, you need my working-class convictions, or your shouted statement would only whisper into emptiness. Still, at seventeen, you are blind, transparent as you slouch at the mall, how my heart smiles at your youth, and hopes that life may never show you how true despair wardrobes itself in dust. |
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| © Copyright 2010 Amaryllis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
oh~~~ I love this! The content, the tone, and your powerful ending combine to make the observation one the reader shares ( if not the opinon) I can see the image painted and the bewildered insolence....and the years as well as wisdom to know the there is indeed a different sort of despair and loss.... well done ma'am... indeed, I could see a series of these... even if there isn't |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Thanks, Cpat Hair... no, it isn`t a series, actually I have never yet written a series! I shall have to try one. I know this poem sounds sanctimonious... but I intended it to, to contrast the two differing sensibilities. . Thanks for your comments on my work!  ~Amaryllis |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
lol well, I could see it.. "Observation From The Mall" subtitled "A contrast in society and beliefs" One perhaps on the person working in the exclusive store, another on the girl at the food court, still another on the behavior of parents with little ones, one on the mall security man, the guy emptying trash, one on the group of kids who are not themselves when together, etc. All seen from different eyes and maybe different cultures... If I was so inclined and thought I could... I'd attempt it myself. However... I am not.. (chuckling) truly enjoyed the read ma'am... |
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bel1e Senior Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 1631 |
very interesting take on the portrait of the Goth Teen...a phenomenon that is truly beyond my generation...but I really enjoyed reading this~~~ |
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Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
Very nice. Liked this alot. |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
thought this was me until you mentioned 17..(he said, as he toyed with the whale bone spike implants that protrude from his forehead)...getting through it to find a level of ossification sure happens slowly doesn't it...kewl stuff ms |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
An observation and judgment... who doesn't do it. I liked this poem. -Juju -Juju |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
How sharply you define the character here, dear Amaryllis. You call it compassion, very appropriate indeed for the sensitivity you display. Great write, as usual. Love, Margherita |
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noman Junior Member
since 2009-12-26
Posts 18 |
I liked this, too. |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Unique and powerful, Amaryllis. Love the ending. Ida |
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Eldest Member
since 2010-06-15
Posts 177Alabama |
Sometimes we wish others knew what we knew, but then they wouldn't be able to grow from the experience |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"Still, at seventeen, you are blind, transparent as you slouch at the mall, how my heart smiles at your youth, and hopes that life may never show you how true despair wardrobes itself in dust." ~ My word! Ain't that the truth! IWIHWT (I wish I had written that)!!! Very observant and thought-filled write!  EA |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
In a world that's never been mine... but still really enjoyed the read, my friend...and agree heartly with Earth Angel's comments... j. |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Oh... I do so want to thank all above~! I`m too overwhelmed to leave personal gratitudes to each one... just know that your kind words and comments for this poem have brightened my day; very, very appreciated! Best to all~ Amaryllis |
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