Oh, please, read it again?

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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2010-08-21 10:19 PM

"Once upon a time..."
enticing words which do mislead
five syllables which sing like bees
buzzing their proud loyalty
to the prison of the hive.

"Once upon a time" begins
a story that will surely end
with satisfaction's chivalry--
an end that justifies the means,
and indicates morality.

"Once upon a time" was once
four words of reasurrances
that marked the ending of a day--
I'd get down on my knees and say:

"I pray the Lord, my soul will take."

* * *

My life began with lies like that.
I'm lying now--I did not have
assurances that life goes on--
and might makes right, and wrong's just wrong

I sang myself to sleep with songs

in whispers

lest I feel the thong

of a belt of "go to bed"

which confused my childish head--

wasn't I already there?

But OH, those were the days!

Amaryllis
Senior Member

since 2010-05-20

Posts 1306
Mi now

1 posted 2010-08-21 10:34 PM

Ohhh... bittersweet nostalgia for more innocent times, when our beliefs were easy...
I cannot stand the belt part...

You`re poking the sleeping Mamma Bear....
.
Captivating writing, as always from you...
.
*hugging you and the little girl in this poem*
~Amaryllis

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

2 posted 2010-08-21 11:21 PM

Thanks lovie. It's just a poem. (My mind works weird, and this one was is more of the same--just a stray thought about how the beginnings of fairytales usually signifies that they'd ended...)

I'm honored that you give me the time, though.

Amaryllis
Senior Member

since 2010-05-20

Posts 1306
Mi now

3 posted 2010-08-21 11:28 PM

Yep.. that`s why I phrased that final comment that way... I hadn`t really thought the N was you personally... =)
.
Does make one think, though... need to read and re-read a few times to let it sink in, layers of meaning here..
.
also abuse of children in any form just gets me fired up.. I apologize if I sounded horrid saying the `can`t stand` comment...? The poem is wonderful! Truly.
.
~Amaryllis

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

4 posted 2010-08-21 11:40 PM

aw...I'm not saying I've never felt the wrath of a parental belt.

But back then it was more..normal, if that makes sense.

Hmmm. Is it abuse if you don't feel abused?

Now you have ME thinking. Always dangerous, that. *laughing*

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

5 posted 2010-08-22 02:07 AM

I sing myself to sleep too

and think about stories that began with Once Upon A Time and ended with And they lived happily ever after

...who knows?

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

6 posted 2010-08-22 03:50 AM

It's true: unjust mistreatment is no good.

For some reason, your first stanza here reminds me of the great beehive-shaped royal tombs of "golden Mycenae" of Bronze Age Greece. Perhaps because no matter how loyal we are, time hurries on.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

7 posted 2010-08-22 03:56 AM

You're a very insightful person, easy. I didn't intend the visual you found, but I love that you did.

And I wish time would hurry on a bit more tonight.

If I HAD a clock I'd unplug mine too.

As it is, watching the minutes creep by on my comp is too loud.
sigh.

Thanks for the late night/early morning company.

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

8 posted 2010-08-22 06:32 AM

duality and perceptions... beginnings are ends and ends are beginnings of other lessons and other times...

well woven tale ma'am, as always...
and always more to think about and explore between the lines..

enjoyed m'friend

Novus_Os
Member

since 2010-07-21

Posts 115
West Coast, USA

9 posted 2010-08-22 12:55 PM

Reminds me of the good things about story telling, and also some of the limitations of
fairy tale endings. Very well done.

Regards,

Novus_Os

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

10 posted 2010-08-22 01:08 PM

Thank you C'pat and Novus, for your kind attentions. I wanted to come back and tell Dixie something as well, about that "and they lived happily ever after."

"The art of writing a happy ending is knowing when to stop telling the story."

I can't remember who said that, but if anyone has a burning desire to know, there is always google.

And OH.

If I'm still not sleeping by tomorrow? Just ignore anything I post or say. It will be the third day without sleep and I'll be hallucinating.

sigh

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

11 posted 2010-08-22 05:12 PM

gripping~~descriptions and sentiment~~~your gifted, truly, Serenity...when I read you, i can't ever stop

~*~*~write on~*~*~*

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

12 posted 2010-08-22 06:39 PM

Thank you for the kind words, Belle...I think I may have finally talked myself down.

*shaking my head*

I'm a total mess.

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

13 posted 2010-08-22 08:52 PM

You're not a total mess...you're life, with a great voice, brilliant mind, and ascerbic wit. Love you.

It was when I was older and learned that most of the Grimm Bros. fairy tales had a moral, that I had to go back and read some of them again.

It was not all Mother Goose.

But once upon a time...

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

14 posted 2010-08-25 08:19 PM

Karen, I loved your poem and all its nuances and the banter and depth of the discussions (I ALWAYS read ALL the comments about the poems I read). I knew you had trouble sleeping, but didn't know that it got as bad as you say here. I am worried about you. I fall asleep at the drop of a hat - it is probably more accurate to say as the hat starts dropping and I am fast asleep before it has landed. I should have gone to bed much earlier as I need to get up for my week-old job (nice, but in a dangerous area and a job for which I am currently paid peanuts - perhaps I look like a Vervet monkey - that would be most flattering as they are very beautiful). However, I am going to put Lilian (the laptop) away now, and hopefully will be able to get into bed before I fall asleep. I am rambling. I WISH I could give you 50% of my ability to sleep.

Owl

The Lady
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-12-26

Posts 7634
The Southwest

15 posted 2010-08-31 11:21 PM

I wish Diana could give you 50% of her ability to sleep and I could give you 50% of mine. I am sorry you can't sleep but oh mercy, what poems you write. I too love the banter and the question, "is it abuse if you don't feel abused" has set me thinking.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

16 posted 2010-09-01 09:43 AM

Dear Serene Highness, not only did I find your poem engagine ~ but the responses of your readers (and you), were engaging as well!

You're a treasure ~ as is your poetry and how it touches people!

Love 'n a big hug,
Linda

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

17 posted 2010-09-01 04:50 PM

Thanks, good people. And? It's some sort of nervous condition. It comes and goes. It also aggravates the sciatic nerve, so they changed my meds. Now, I sleep. FOR HOURS. And now I never really feel awake either.

*shrug*

I seem to go through this every summer, and it's no biggie. When my problem becomes everybody's problem, I take their godawful medicine until my family gets weary of Karen-in-sleep-mode.

I seem to annoy people either way!

ah well...thanks again for reading. (Do we have a zombie smilie?)

lawd

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