»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #46
»
Distance
| Open Poetry #46 |
|
Distance |
|
|
Nocturnal Pulse Member
since 2010-08-12
Posts 84Australia |
I miss her, the fiery star. With another, adrift . . . afar. Distance will reap. Refuse to soften. Pain to inwardly seep. Repeatedly, often. Luck, never stay. It's better that way. Absent, alone . . . No molten throne. No one to miss dearly. Really . . . Dear self: Remind me, as often as can be. Unfortunately. My every desperate delusion, reach the same conclusion. Those bright spots amess the moon. I'll endlessly count them soon. Atop a dark velvet shelf. Longing for, wishing for . . . Losing myself. |
||
| © Copyright 2010 Shane Wilson - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Jesse Jaymz Senior Member
since 2000-01-24
Posts 708Youngstown, ohio |
Like this a lot. Very nice. |
||
|
katahdin Senior Member
since 2010-07-01
Posts 1196ME. In the Shadow of the Mt. |
OH, I can feel the saddness in this poem. Love the ryhming. Kat>^..^< |
||
|
Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
This is poignant.. I love the opening line.. did you intend to change up your rhyme scheme halfway through? From L1 through L8 you used a/b, then L9 to L21 is aa/bb.. until the conclusion.. forgive if you meant it, just ignore me! heh  ~Amaryllis |
||
|
passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
darn, how sad! |
||
|
Nocturnal Pulse Member
since 2010-08-12
Posts 84Australia |
I'm afraid i'm sort of an impulsive person, i write in short bursts and don't edit very much. The switch in structure was unintentional, i just write it as i think it. Thanks for the question though, Amaryllis. |
||
|
Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Welcome to Pip! You rendered your feelings very well here. The rhymes amplify their intensity I think. Love, Margherita |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
