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Open Poetry #46
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Balladeer
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0 posted 2010-07-21 11:39 PM



Friends see you in a different light than they had done before.
They see the normal face you wear but notice something more,
A light that hadn't been there or a twinkle in your eye..
Somehow you seem more beautiful but they can't answer why.

A facelift or some special creme erasing worry lines?
A slender possibility but there weren't any signs.
One day you were just average, the next you were brand new.
They simply do not understand that love looks good on you.

Now, when you move, hips move a little more from side to side
And men look more attentively with each smooth, graceful stride.
An air of sexuality exudes from every pore
Heads turn to watch you every time you walk across the floor.

Your friends say, "My God, woman! How your radiance just flows!"
" Instead of some small daffodil, you've turned into a rose!"
What caused this transformation? Seems that no one has a clue.
They simply do not understand that love looks good on you.

Your movements seem more feminine, your mood is more care-free.
You wear an air of confidence that everyone can see.
Your smile is just a little wider,eyes shine with a light
That makes you Lady Gueneviere and every man your knight.

From pussycat to sultry tigress, you have made the leap
And smile at what you feel just before you go to sleep.
You know that you are loved and wanted and you know it's true.
How great that you have found the love that looks so good on you.

[This message has been edited by Balladeer (07-22-2010 09:06 AM).]

© Copyright 2010 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved
Lamar Cole
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since 2009-05-01
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1 posted 2010-07-22 12:06 PM


Very nice poem.
Balladeer
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2 posted 2010-07-22 12:08 PM


Thank you, Lamar.
Dr.Moose1
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since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448
Bewilderment , USA
3 posted 2010-07-22 06:49 AM


Balladeer,
Always a pleasure to read one from the master. Fifth stanza, first line, you've got an extra "s" in "movements/seems" which
I'm sure was just a typo.
Doc

Balladeer
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4 posted 2010-07-22 09:06 AM


Right you are, doc. Thanks for pointing it out an commenting...mucho appreciado
Cpat Hair
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Posts 11793

5 posted 2010-07-22 10:08 AM


Nicely done sir!

Question...and not anything more.. Line 6..
would the use of were not instead of weren't
even the count/rythm, or am I missing something in my read or in my knowledge of the form itself?  

And Sir... don't ever trade your couplets.
it is to me so much harder to write in rhyme or form than it is to scribble like I do.

Balladeer
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6 posted 2010-07-22 10:22 AM


It's a good question.

A slender possibility but there weren't any signs.

Fourteen syllables, just like every other line and iambic is perserved.

a SLEN-der POSS-i-BIL-i-TY but THERE weren't A-ny SIGNS.

were not would add another syllable and kill the iambic. You would wind up with "but THERE were (NOT A)-ny SIGNS.

Perhaps what causes your question is the fact that, in my part of the country "weren't" is a one syllable word. In some areas it's two.

Thanks for asking. I enjoy having the poems  dissected and answering questions

Cpat Hair
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7 posted 2010-07-22 10:35 AM


Thanks for the education! (chuckling) and this...is why I do not try meter or rhyme except on very rare occaisions...

I'm not sure why I stumbled on line 6, most likely my own reading and true lack of understanding.  

Eldest
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since 2010-06-15
Posts 177
Alabama
8 posted 2010-07-22 10:49 AM


excellent, I have no gift for rhyme, but obviously you have a great one.
Earl Brinkman
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since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183
Osaka, Japan
9 posted 2010-08-15 08:17 AM


You are a master of rhyme and meter.  You give other writers something to aspire to in their poetry.
Balladeer
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10 posted 2010-08-15 08:28 AM


Thank you for the kind words, Earl. I appreciate them - and you
OldBuddyOldPal
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since 2008-12-15
Posts 87

11 posted 2010-08-15 10:59 AM


As always... just perfect.
passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
12 posted 2010-08-15 11:05 AM


Did you write this about me? LOL

(well, one can hope...gotta get something that looks good on me since everything else makes me look fat)


Margherita
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since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
13 posted 2010-08-15 07:56 PM


This is just so right and beautiful in content and flow, dear Michael.

That spark of love that changes everything is so perfectly rendered.

Love,
Margherita

Balladeer
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14 posted 2010-08-15 08:34 PM


Thank you all. It's nice getting back to poetry
Amaryllis
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since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
15 posted 2010-08-15 08:44 PM


"Oh how you sparkle..and oh how you shine.."...  
Another wonderful read from the master!  Much enjoyed, Mr. `deer!
~Amaryllis

JamesMichael
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since 1999-11-16
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Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
16 posted 2010-08-15 09:28 PM


Wonderful...James
Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
17 posted 2010-08-15 10:35 PM


Oh how this reminds me of the old songs,
the ones of country singers and those rocking blues,
Conway Twitty singing gold, and Pretty Woman tunes...
I like the way you transformed women, and didn't leave a clue

See? It happened just that fast, they didn't even know
that you were not talking of them, but of the whole great show
and every woman grinned a grin that even she didn't know
that she possessed, from all the rest, and only the knowing might crow

that one can take girls from 18
and those women who've come to know their 80's
then shook up their lives only to show
that some men thank them in the only way they know.

~*~

It was fun, and I loved it! Thanks so much for the smiles.

Klassy Lassy
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since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187
Oregon
18 posted 2010-09-07 03:06 PM


...how much more could a woman ask than to be loved, except to give it?

[This message has been edited by Klassy Lassy (09-07-2010 03:39 PM).]

Gunslinger
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since 1999-10-09
Posts 901
TX, USA
19 posted 2010-09-07 09:06 PM


Well. what can I say? You have certainly not lost your touch, my friend. Lovely piece of writing, Michael.
Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
20 posted 2010-09-07 09:36 PM


(:

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

latearrival
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since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
21 posted 2010-09-08 12:51 PM


"It's nice getting back to poetry"

And it is so nice to have you back and yes I agree a love affair can wake one up and beautify them, LOL

latearrival    

rosepetals36
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since 2010-07-09
Posts 137
Pa
22 posted 2010-09-08 11:15 AM


I very much liked

-- Used to be rosepetals25 :) I never know what to say when I reply to a poem, so ignore the lameness!

Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
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Realms of Light
23 posted 2010-09-08 11:47 AM


My dear Deer! That was incredibly romantic, lyrical, and downright winsome! One of the attributes of a good poet is having a keen sense of observation ~ and you, Deer POET, have a VERY keen sense of observation!!!

Absolutely adore this!

Big HUG,
Linda
P.S. You were bang on! Being in love can do wonders!

Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
24 posted 2010-09-08 07:56 PM


I've read this before, apparently, but something new came to light in these last two weeks...

quote:
Friends see you in a different light than they had done before.
They see the normal face you wear but notice something more,
A light that hadn't been there or a twinkle in your eye..
Somehow you seem more beautiful but they can't answer why.


Today, I know...and it is all good. Sad, but good. Don't ever stop writing...please.


Balladeer
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25 posted 2010-09-08 08:39 PM


Thank you all again!

Linda!!!! What a treat to hear from you! You have been missed

Sunshine, thank you for your poetic reply No, you hadn't read it before since it is hot off the press but I'll do my best to continue writing (since you asked me to)

Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
26 posted 2010-09-08 09:56 PM


Heh...I read it before the numerous responses...I just now had chance to reply to it. But as I said...today? It meant more.




Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA
27 posted 2010-09-09 02:33 AM


I'm so glad I was able to get here and read this fantastic poem. I always enjoy reading your work. This is great as always.
nakdthoughts
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since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
28 posted 2010-09-09 08:25 AM


I can't add much more to what has been said except to say I loved it ( and of course I love the rhythm and rhyme!...so smooth you are


M

Eusta B. Mae
Senior Member
since 2010-05-03
Posts 903

29 posted 2010-09-09 08:55 AM


Balladeer-Thank you so much for noticing! Yes, I do look fabulous and you have captured it so well in this magnificent poem! EBM

Alison
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Member Rara Avis
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Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
30 posted 2010-09-15 11:35 PM


Bravo.  I love this.

A

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