English-language haiku style comparison

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Open Poetry #46

English-language haiku style comparison

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

0 posted 2010-06-23 07:25 AM

Sleep---the electric
fan is my friend, with cool breeze,
and cool harmonies.

****
^that is a blast from my past, in "Henderson" style - to attempt to translate to "postmodern" style, retaining 5-7-5:

Sleep comes easily
My electric fan's cool breeze
Motor humming sweet

****
a bit of a crap shoot it is (no pun intended) as to one's preferred style...

Earl Brinkman
Senior Member

since 2010-03-03

Posts 1183
Osaka, Japan

1 posted 2010-06-23 09:24 AM

I really cannot escape who I am as I have lived in Japan for 20 years. I read and write haiku in Japanese which colors my judgement. It may be wrong of me but it is difficult to teach an old dog a new trick.

Nakinurete
Itasa Koraete
Makura Nure

Should it be any surprise that I prefer the second haiku that you wrote? How can I erase 20 years? Let`s just put down our preference differences to a cultural gap.

I am not questioning your ability as a writer.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

2 posted 2010-06-23 09:30 AM

Though I love especially the "cool harmonies" I understand Earl's preference for the second one. Both are good in my opinion, but I guess when one writes haiku in Japanese it's a totally different approach, the original approach so to say.

Interesting comparison.

Love,
M

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

3 posted 2010-06-23 12:18 PM

Poetry is what gets lost in translation. -attr. Robert Frost

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

4 posted 2010-06-23 12:49 PM

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3304/3216486967_cb50281f9d.jpg

Fumiko Houma as the Medium in Rashomon

Bastet
Member

since 2010-05-07

Posts 246

5 posted 2010-06-28 01:53 PM

Yes, ok, the second one is more traditionally "haiku" but I rather like the daring innovation of the first one. Formal styles are great as guidelines, but if nobody experimants how can we move on?

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

6 posted 2010-06-28 02:42 PM

Thanks, Bastet, for your supportve comment. I never considered that style "innovative", as it is based somewhat upon Mr. Henderson's efforts at bringing haiku to a western audience so many years ago now.

This whole argument really is mountain out of a molehill material.

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