Open Poetry #46 |
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A poem to a crush |
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Alejandro New Member
since 2010-05-29
Posts 6 |
I rap but always have been a fan of poetry and its use of metaphors and visuals. I hope to work on my poetry so it is heartfelt. Constructive criticism needed. or some pointers. Eyes full of beauty so bright and deep like pools of water The sunlight's reflection seemed to make them glimmer and sparkle round cheeks, perfectly white teeth and a pretty smile completes her gentle physique... i just started on it but wanted to see if i was on the right path to something creative |
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© Copyright 2010 Alejandro - All Rights Reserved | |||
Michael Deal New Member
since 2010-05-26
Posts 7 |
your definitely on the right path, but remember poetry is an expression of you and it is your path ![]() |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
A nice poem to a crush I would say. Welcome to Pip and write on! Love, Margherita |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Hello Alejandro.. what a lucky crush to have such fine words written of her! ![]() I will note one thing, since you`ve asked for help.. in line 2, I`d remove the `seemed to`, and just let the sun directly make them glimmer and sparkle ![]() ![]() |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
You are on the right path, so please, be welcomed to Passions in Poetry, where you may find the time and talents to help you hone your artistic ways. Please, check your email for a Very Special Greeting! " It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love |
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Alejandro New Member
since 2010-05-29
Posts 6 |
thanks everyone, you sure know how to make a person feel welcome here |
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