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2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

0 posted 2010-04-14 04:08 AM

With my migrant eyes
I look at your ebony eyes
with your touchy eyes
you look at my future,
I see what I can see
you see what you want,
our eyes know faster
than dreams speed,
our eyes are a shared light
hanging on unknown trees.

LngJhnAg
Member Elite

since 1999-07-23

Posts 3508
Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion

1 posted 2010-04-14 06:21 AM

I started out reading this poem expecting a rhyming scheme. Then, as I read it further, I realized just how well this free verse poem was crafted. Your similes and intricate point/counterpoint are excellent. This is a really well-written poem with a message that makes the reader remember special moments in his own life. If you can do that in just a few lines, you've done very well indeed.

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

2 posted 2010-04-14 12:17 PM

some neat phrases in this succinct write (like 'migrant eyes' and 'dreams speed' that drew me in deeper and deeper...very nicely done

Prasad Nataraj
Senior Member

since 2008-05-29

Posts 1149
Bangalore,India

3 posted 2010-04-17 11:51 AM

That's what young minds do Yann, they dream. Beautiful poem.

"Hardwork pays in the long run"

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

4 posted 2010-04-18 10:12 AM

quote:
our eyes are a shared light
hanging on unknown trees.

Wow, dear Yann, how creative is this?!

Really impressive!

Love,
Margherita

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant

since 2006-11-07

Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !

5 posted 2010-04-18 03:58 PM

I especially LOVE that ending!:

"our eyes know faster
  than dreams speed,
  our eyes are a shared light
  hanging on unknown trees."

applause for this 'penning' !

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

6 posted 2010-04-18 05:14 PM

enjoyed

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

7 posted 2010-04-18 05:39 PM

well done

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

8 posted 2010-04-21 02:43 AM

Very creative and deeply thoughtful, yann.
Ida

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