Ice on - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Open Poetry #47

Ice on

graying1
Member

since 2011-02-09

Posts 53
The Commonwealth of VA

0 posted 2011-02-13 06:05 AM

Ice on snow on dirt
A garden that was and will
Reflects the sunrise

Bastet
Member

since 2010-05-07

Posts 246

1 posted 2011-02-13 06:14 AM

Again, a haiku feeling. A brief, lucid glimpse of nature in a few words. Well done.

graying1
Member

since 2011-02-09

Posts 53
The Commonwealth of VA

2 posted 2011-02-13 06:16 AM

Thank you

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

3 posted 2011-02-13 06:54 AM

Much enjoyed. However, I suggest (seeing that you encourage critique) that you replace "was" with "did" - and "Reflects" with "Reflect".

Owl

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

4 posted 2011-02-13 12:06 PM

Haiku guy! Love haiku will love reading them from you
Lori

faithmairee
Senior Member

since 2011-01-05

Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA

5 posted 2011-02-13 12:08 PM

lovely....simply lovely

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

graying1
Member

since 2011-02-09

Posts 53
The Commonwealth of VA

6 posted 2011-02-13 04:12 PM

Dear wise Owl from another land down under
( from our point of view )

Of the line
A garden that was and will
I shortened the line from
A garden that was there and will be there
Just to make it fit into the format of Haiku
As for the other
Whats and S heres or theres

Lori and Faith thanks glad you girls liked it

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

7 posted 2011-02-14 07:30 PM

"A garden that was and will"...that is such a masterfully apt description...nice write

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.