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Pictures on the Wall
| Open Poetry #47 |
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Pictures on the Wall |
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abhursty Junior Member
since 2009-02-25
Posts 45 |
Pictures on the Wall I ache inside and you just smile You stare at me with eyes full of life I look at you and I want to shake you until you cry I want you to cry like I always do now Yet I want you to laugh like you will forever I hope you never stop even when I can't see you Those pictures on the wall remind me of who I will never be again They show me everything I have lost As I grew and realized the world around me Has become only pain for those who are in it I wish I never knew that For it is too late to take back I wrote this one day when I was looking at some old pictures from wen I was a kid. I guess I was mad because I'd want to be little again. Never seeing what lies in front of you. Any way I can improve my poem and my poetry in general is greatly appreciated. |
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| © Copyright 2011 Abigail Hurst - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Try rewording your poem. Here is an example. <><><> I ache inside and you just smile You stare at me with eyes full of life I want to shake you until you cry I want you to cry like I do now I also want you to laugh forever And never stop 'ere I can't see you Old pictures tell me who I was They show me everything I have lost I understand the world around me Has only pain for those in it I wish I had never learned that For it's too late to take it back ~ There's nothing worse than desiring more than you are desired.--Justine Cook / "Portrait" ~ |
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abhursty Junior Member
since 2009-02-25
Posts 45 |
Thank you for your idea. ^.^ |
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