»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #47
»
wake
| Open Poetry #47 |
|
wake |
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana 
|
Drape me in black as I go to my rest, Lay one yellow rose softly on my breast, Feed me to flames till my body's consumed, Pretend you will miss me 'fore you resume The life that's seduced you away from me. Just grieve - you're so good at hypocrisy. You are now so shallow. Can you recall When you were my soulmate, I was your all, When being with me satisfied your needs, When we were one unit in heart and deeds, When you stood tall, a giant of a man Simply because I was holding your hand? For you, I embraced a supporting role. I gave all I had, bankrupted my soul. Remember when I had dreams of my own? Now I'm nothing more than a withered crone And can barely breathe, still I smell her scent. It clings to your skin, one final torment. Oh, I've always known. I wasn't deceived As you desecrated all I'd believed To be between us. I wasn't enough When you felt summoned by some piece of fluff - A bit of eye candy meant more than me. You've not been the man I thought you would be. With no cameras here to watch you weep, You've dropped mask of mourn. I see, as you sleep, A mere trace of the man I once admired Remains in the face I loved and desired - Void of sincerity. How well I know Your being here now is simply for show. Now it's almost time for my final breath; I'm tired of this earth and ready for death. Drape me in black as I go to my rest, Lay one yellow rose softly on my breast. What was is no more - go on without me And grieve - you're so good at hypocrisy! |
||
| © Copyright 2012 suthern - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Okay. This is a full-fledged, number 1 hit. Everything about it made me cringe, as it was supposed to. The rhyming scheme was OUTstanding, and the prose within devastating. I'm saving this. ~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways ~*~ |
||
|
Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
... trying to return to normal breathing ... well, dear Ruth, this hurts, it hurts much, it's ever so dark and cynic. Excellent work, my friend, as it grabbed me so hard! Yet, you know me and therefore you will accept my wish for you to be able to re-dream your dreams and manifest them, there is always time and it is now. Time to be yourself and to live your life to the fullest. You are on your way, not to the grave, but to a radiant re-birth. Love  Margherita |
||
|
Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
I can promise you, that I have felt every word of your poem before; I have, however, never been able to express it in a way that comes close to this. I've always admired your ability to write poetry with such a poignant story, where the rhyme and meter add to it rather than detract from it. Amazing. |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
JP: Wow... thank you very much!!! My employers may insist I come down to earth, but your comments certainly set my spirits soaring! *S* Margherita: I'm glad to say that this isn't about me, sweet lady, though I did have to be in a sorrowful frame of mind to hear the words. *S* But if it's dark and cynical and hurts, I have hope I've done its inspiration justice. *S* Thank you so very much! [This message has been edited by suthern (01-19-2012 09:49 AM).] |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Nicole: I think (and type) so slowly I missed your response. *S* Thank you very much... though I'm sorry anyone's had to live through such situations/feelings. *S* |
||
|
bel1e Senior Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 1631 |
The beauty of poetry is in the magic it has to take you out of yourself for a bit... and when you get dropped back in, you're different – you're stronger, you’ve seen more, you've felt more. Poems that achieve this are like spiritual currency...and not for nothing...but this one here is a jackpot.... just. wow. ~write-on~ |
||
|
jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
I agree with all the above, my friend ... awesome write. You've done yourself, and whomever contributed to the misery that provided the words, proud, and then some... Much ejoyed, and grateful it's not about you... j. |
||
|
JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
A living wake, what could be more humiliating and painful than something like this. A tough and dreadful situation that you put into words and verse so well. Heartbreaking, Ruth. JL  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. |
||
|
Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
Ms Suthern...you are the birthing of life with your pen...the living of life with your poetry even with this topic..enjoyed you lady |
||
|
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
For all you haved touted the power of my poetry, I must say few things have ever moved me like the reading of this piece did. This is exquisite, not only in form, but the deep cutting into of the soul. I feel it... Truly. Michael |
||
|
Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
What can I say...Never tick off a poet? Great write, Ruth, I hope it helps you to renew. Ida |
||
|
Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
That's not what I really wanted to say but I was censored. Ida |
||
|
tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
heartfelt write suthern, felt your torment, pain and the agony of the love once lived and now torn with betrayal and heartache ~hugs~ Love is the life of the soul... |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ruth, my dear friend, I don't think you could have plunged the guilt any deeper. Great write! |
||
|
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Oh wow Ruth, you nailed that! I could feel the cut deep down and would not want to be the one who was on the receiving end of those sentiments. Beautifully expressed, powerful and right to the point. Wonderful job, much enjoyed this! Best wishes, /Kit |
||
|
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
bel1e - That's my definition of poetry... which means that your response means so much to me... thank you!! jwesley: So am I, my friend... so am I! *S* And I hope I did justice to her suffering and humiliation... thank you! JL: That's it exactly! *S* Thank you so much for your understanding and kind comments!! DS: I appreciate your wonderful words more than I can say... thank you! *S* Michael: Since I will continue to tout the power of your poetry and the way it moves me, you couldn't have offered a greater compliment. *S* Thank you so much!! Marchmadness and tracie: It is from the heart and the situation angered me. But while I'm sure my own life colored my perception, this isn't my story, it's observation of another's... Thank you so very much!! Sunshine: I'm not sure some people are capable of feeling guilt. *S* Thank you so much!!! Kit: Thank you so much!! It's such a treat to see your name... to then read your wonderful response is icing on the cake! *S* |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
