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Open Poetry #47
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suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana

0 posted 2012-01-19 08:04 AM


Drape me in black as I go to my rest,
Lay one yellow rose softly on my breast,
Feed me to flames till my body's consumed,
Pretend you will miss me 'fore you resume
The life that's seduced you away from me.
Just grieve - you're so good at hypocrisy.

You are now so shallow. Can you recall
When you were my soulmate, I was your all,
When being with me satisfied your needs,
When we were one unit in heart and deeds,
When you stood tall, a giant of a man
Simply because I was holding your hand?

For you, I embraced a supporting role.
I gave all I had, bankrupted my soul.
Remember when I had dreams of my own?
Now I'm nothing more than a withered crone
And can barely breathe, still I smell her scent.
It clings to your skin, one final torment.

Oh, I've always known. I wasn't deceived
As you desecrated all I'd believed
To be between us. I wasn't enough
When you felt summoned by some piece of fluff -
A bit of eye candy meant more than me.
You've not been the man I thought you would be.

With no cameras here to watch you weep,
You've dropped mask of mourn. I see, as you sleep,
A mere trace of the man I once admired
Remains in the face I loved and desired -
Void of sincerity. How well I know
Your being here now is simply for show.

Now it's almost time for my final breath;
I'm tired of this earth and ready for death.
Drape me in black as I go to my rest,
Lay one yellow rose softly on my breast.
What was is no more - go on without me
And grieve - you're so good at hypocrisy!

© Copyright 2012 suthern - All Rights Reserved
JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
1 posted 2012-01-19 08:19 AM


Okay. This is a full-fledged, number 1 hit. Everything about it made me cringe, as it was supposed to. The rhyming scheme was OUTstanding, and the prose within devastating.

I'm saving this.

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways ~*~

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
2 posted 2012-01-19 08:38 AM


... trying to return to normal breathing ... well, dear Ruth, this hurts, it hurts much, it's ever so dark and cynic.

Excellent work, my friend, as it grabbed me so hard! Yet, you know me and therefore you will accept my wish for you to be able to re-dream your dreams and manifest them, there is always time and it is now. Time to be yourself and to live your life to the fullest. You are on your way, not to the grave, but to a radiant re-birth.

Love
Margherita

Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
3 posted 2012-01-19 08:46 AM


I can promise you, that I have felt every word of your poem before; I have, however, never been able to express it in a way that comes close to this.  I've always admired your ability to write poetry with such a poignant story, where the rhyme and meter add to it rather than detract from it.  Amazing.
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
4 posted 2012-01-19 08:47 AM


JP: Wow... thank you very much!!! My employers may insist I come down to earth, but your comments certainly set my spirits soaring! *S*

Margherita: I'm glad to say that this isn't about me, sweet lady, though I did have to be in a sorrowful frame of mind to hear the words. *S* But if it's dark and cynical and hurts, I have hope I've done its inspiration justice. *S* Thank you so very much!

[This message has been edited by suthern (01-19-2012 09:49 AM).]

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
5 posted 2012-01-19 08:49 AM


Nicole: I think (and type) so slowly I missed your response. *S* Thank you very much... though I'm sorry anyone's had to live through such situations/feelings. *S*
bel1e
Senior Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 1631

6 posted 2012-01-19 11:01 AM


The beauty of poetry is in the magic it has to take you out of yourself for a bit... and when you get dropped back in, you're different – you're stronger, you’ve seen more, you've felt more. Poems that achieve this are like spiritual currency...and not for nothing...but this one here is a jackpot....

just. wow.

~write-on~

             

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
7 posted 2012-01-19 11:20 AM


I agree with all the above, my friend ... awesome write. You've done yourself, and whomever contributed to the misery that provided the words, proud, and then some...

Much ejoyed, and grateful it's not about you...

j.

JL
Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128
Texas, USA
8 posted 2012-01-19 12:47 PM


A living wake, what could be more humiliating
and painful than something like this.
A tough and dreadful situation that you put into words and verse so well.  
Heartbreaking, Ruth.

JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
9 posted 2012-01-19 01:34 PM


Ms Suthern...you are the birthing of life with your pen...the living of life with your poetry even with this topic..enjoyed you lady
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
10 posted 2012-01-19 03:19 PM


For all you haved touted the power of my poetry, I must say few things have ever moved me like the reading of this piece did.  This is exquisite, not only in form, but the deep cutting into of the soul.  I feel it... Truly.

Michael

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
11 posted 2012-01-19 05:45 PM


What can I say...Never tick off a poet?
Great write, Ruth, I hope it helps you to renew.
                            Ida

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
12 posted 2012-01-19 05:46 PM


That's not what I really wanted to say but I was censored.
                                Ida

tracie66
Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713
Australia
13 posted 2012-01-20 03:38 AM


heartfelt write suthern, felt your torment, pain and the agony of the love once lived and now torn with betrayal and heartache
~hugs~

Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe
                        — W. E. Channing

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
14 posted 2012-01-20 11:14 AM


Ruth, my dear friend,
I don't think you could have plunged
the guilt any deeper.

Great write!


Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
15 posted 2012-01-21 11:18 AM


Oh wow Ruth, you nailed that! I could feel the cut deep down and would not want to be the one who was on the receiving end of those sentiments. Beautifully expressed, powerful and right to the point. Wonderful job, much enjoyed this!

Best wishes,
/Kit

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
16 posted 2012-01-23 11:13 AM


bel1e - That's my definition of poetry... which means that your response means so much to me... thank you!!

jwesley: So am I, my friend... so am I! *S* And I hope I did justice to her suffering and humiliation... thank you!

JL: That's it exactly! *S* Thank you so much for your understanding and kind comments!!

DS: I appreciate your wonderful words more than I can say... thank you! *S*

Michael: Since I will continue to tout the power of your poetry and the way it moves me, you couldn't have offered a greater compliment. *S* Thank you so much!!

Marchmadness and tracie: It is from the heart and the situation angered me. But while I'm sure my own life colored my perception, this isn't my story, it's observation of another's... Thank you so very much!!

Sunshine: I'm not sure some people are capable of feeling guilt. *S* Thank you so much!!!

Kit: Thank you so much!! It's such a treat to see your name... to then read your wonderful response is icing on the cake! *S*


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