a color not too far away - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

0 posted 2012-01-03 03:28 AM

I saw a palate of grey on her little bent sleeve
where she kind of grinned at the right side of the street

Its quiet around here
I fear its a bit lonely
out here

she said it still hurts when the light touches her
where the breast of the sky opens
like the window she use to peer through
as a young child

She's a little on the edge
soon to be a rift between the edge of the river
and that little fork in the road
where our little hearts use to wonder
whats it like to be tall and roam
like the wildfire
that caused the cattle to lose their innocence

Right near her home
little bent sleeve
riding up the bark of trees
with the lips of her youth
pressed against the center of her quiet backyard.

[This message has been edited by Tomer (01-03-2012 07:19 AM).]

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

1 posted 2012-01-03 01:46 PM

"that little fork in the road
where our little hearts use to wonder
whats it like to be tall and roam
like the wildfire
that caused the cattle to lose their innocence"

Enjoyed "a color not too far away"

Nice writing Tomer.

JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

2 posted 2012-01-03 02:09 PM

Happy you enjoyed that stanza, JL...appreciate it

Cheers

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

3 posted 2012-01-03 02:49 PM

I am probably completely wrong, but the last four poems you posted seem like a series to me:

1. a color not too far away - setting the scene for a young girl taking her life
2. Autumns broken heart - the reason for her taking her life
3. once upon a midnight moon - the taking of her life
4. gracies note - the metaphorical note she left behind

Whether I am right or wrong, they are all beautiful and superbly written.

This one, a color not too far away – It seems to me that she is nostalgic for her childhood and her childhood sweetheart – and that the hurt is coming from a break with her childhood sweetheart.

Owl

Tomer
Senior Member

since 2002-06-28

Posts 1168
Michigan

4 posted 2012-01-08 02:03 AM

Owl,

I appreciate the support, and most importantly, the intensive analysis, but these were not a part of a series. I can see how you can draw comparisons between them, but they are in fact different in their own ways. The more I look at them, I can see the parallels, though. Again, thanks for the comments, always welcome.

Cheers

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

5 posted 2012-01-08 04:57 PM

Thanks for letting me know, Tomer. I was hoping you would. That doesn't affect how much I enjoyed each of them. Smiles.

Owl

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.