Raven Songs (from the PW) - pipTalk Forums

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Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

0 posted 2011-12-26 09:15 PM

Raven Songs

When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
While hierarchies form among the crowd
The ravens bob and strut while preening proud
As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance
And offer gifts to thick somnolent clouds
When silence drops on each bird-covered branch
The daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud
Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed

-

Alison

[This message has been edited by Alison (12-27-2011 04:46 PM).]

tracie66
Member Elite

since 2000-01-18

Posts 4713
Australia

1 posted 2011-12-27 04:18 AM

loved the imagery in this, well penned.

Love is the life of the soul...
It is the harmony of the universe
— W. E. Channing

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

2 posted 2011-12-27 04:39 AM

Alison, I hope I am not writing this in Outer-Mongolian because I am still in a trance, enchanted by the beauty of the ambience of this exquisite gem and the honour and dignity and adoration (all richly deserved) which you have afforded these darlings. Thank you, Alison. You have outdone, even yourself!

Reverent hugs
Owl

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

3 posted 2011-12-27 05:45 AM

quote:
When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud
And velvet feathers black contrast snow white
While hierarchies form among the crowd
Each raven struts, head held high, preening proud
As magic songs weave a nocturnal trance
And offer gifts to thick somnolent clouds
When silence drops on each bird-covered branch
The daylight dons an ebon night-time shroud
Internal peace prevails and heads are bowed

Masterful word coreography that dances within my core, dear Alison!

I agree with dear Owl that you have outdone yourself with this one!

Had a funny conversation yesterday with a group of ravens in the park, they always attract my attention.

Margheerita

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

4 posted 2011-12-27 09:02 AM

Alison, this is truly a masterfully written poem. I love the imagery and the flow is wonderful. Very nicely done.

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

5 posted 2011-12-27 10:17 AM

Such beautiful imagery and smooth flow... reading this is like touching soft silk... all senses are engaged and appreciating! *S*

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

6 posted 2011-12-27 11:03 AM

Excellent sonnet, form, and topic...enjoyed

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

7 posted 2011-12-27 12:29 PM

I love this, Alison. One of your best. Great imagery. I find crows to be intellegent and fascinating.
Ida

Grinch
Member Elite

since 2005-12-31

Posts 2929
Whoville

8 posted 2011-12-27 02:08 PM

I think the metre is a little out in L5 but it wouldn't take much to fix - nice poem.

.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

9 posted 2011-12-27 04:50 PM

Thank you.  Thank you, Tracie.

Alison

-

Oh Owl, thank you - and I'd love to go to outer Mongolia.  Sounds like a trip to heaven to me.

xoxoxo
A

-

Margherita,

Those ravens sure love to talk, don't they.  Love them.  Thank you much.

xoxoxo
Alison

-

Thank you and hugs to you, Nicole.

Alison

-

Ruth,

Thank you for bringing me a big smile to put on my face.

xoxoox
Alison

-

Ford,

Thank you very much.

A

-

Ida,

Yep, the Ravens and Crows and Magpies and Camp Robbers are my most favorite.

xoxoxo
Alison

-

Thank you, Grinch.  I think I got it.  Better?

A

Grinch
Member Elite

since 2005-12-31

Posts 2929
Whoville

10 posted 2011-12-27 05:20 PM

Yes.

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

11 posted 2011-12-27 05:32 PM

Giggles, Alison. I have never been to Outer (or Inner) Mongolia, nor can I speak whatever language they speak there - I just thought that being so mesmerised by this sparkling gem, that I could be talking Outer Mongolia by mistake, but I am sure you realised that, lol. I'd love to see and meet the wild Mongolian horses though! Wow! That would mesmerise me too!

It is such a delight to hear that you love ravens and crows and magpies and camp robbers. I am not sure if you are referring to a particular bird type by "camp robbers" or if you are using the term generally for the various types of birds that rob camps, but whichever it is, I am glad you love them.

Hugs
Owl

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

12 posted 2011-12-27 05:34 PM

Wow! Read it again and Wow! Shivers of magnificence!

Owl

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

13 posted 2011-12-27 05:43 PM

Thank you again, Grinch.

-

Owl,

Hmmm, I do want to go to Mongolia. Really. Camprobbers are really a Stellar Jay. They are hysterical scoundrels though. No sandwich is safe when they are around.

xoxoxo
A

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

14 posted 2011-12-27 06:12 PM

Oh, I would imagine that Mongolia would be fascinating and primal, besides the horses. I am so glad there is somebody who loves the Stellar Jays. I would imagine that not many people do. The precious little angels (the Stellar Jays).

Owl

[This message has been edited by OwlSA (12-28-2011 01:45 AM).]

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

15 posted 2011-12-27 11:47 PM

"When ravens flock in groups to close the night
Their raucous conversations echo loud"

Alison, this is picture perfect and with very little imagination as I was reading I could hear them.

Loved it!

JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant

since 2006-11-07

Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !

16 posted 2011-12-28 01:39 AM

Excellent!

                       Winter Dawn

                frigid Winter sunrise -
                over pure white snow
                a black raven shadow.

                             - b. e. adams

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

17 posted 2011-12-28 02:41 AM

JL

Noisy buggers, aren't they. But, I do love them so. Thank you for reading and enjoying.

xoxoxo
A

-

Bruce,

You make me smile and the haiku is beautiful. Thank you for the gift.

xoxoxo
A

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

18 posted 2011-12-29 10:04 AM

I was temptet to read this again and yes, it touched me again so deeply with its beauty.

(((((Alison))))

Margherita

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

19 posted 2011-12-29 02:05 PM

Wow, Alison... I thoroughly enjoyed this. I like the contrast your ending with the sunlight plays on the whole poem. Nice touch.

Michael

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

20 posted 2011-12-29 02:42 PM

how lovely ~lyric to image~flawless

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

21 posted 2011-12-30 01:25 AM

Margherita, Michael and Belle ...

I am humbled. Truly.

Thank you.

xoxoxo
A

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