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Open Poetry #47
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My attempts at the Koan form
| Open Poetry #47 |
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My attempts at the Koan form |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
In full moonlight, I watch the doe through my window Feeding-- it shudders, as it grinds gold offerings; The television speaks of a midnight bombing in Kabal. Deer are nocturnal, move at night, the same as insurgents. * A mature woman doesn't know Im watching; Bright afternoon, I shade my eyes with dark glasses. I have always admired the grace of willow branches; Her salt and pepper hair hangs in billows to her waist. What is nearby, might answer when called, But voids summon information first, with outer silence. Cars making passes on double lines are dangerous; With caution he wonders if she is married. * * Rules of the form > http://www.ehow.com/how_5093172_write-chinese-poetry.html |
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| © Copyright 2011 ford hume - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
I have never heard of the koan, Ice, but I like it VERY much. I will go to the link, and I'm sure I will eventually try my hand a mangling the form JerryPat2 style. I like the hell out of yours, buddy, the first verse especially. ~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~ |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
I see the first two poems ... especially the first.... Don't see the tie in line (last) in the third ... but then, I didn't get the tie-in line in the explanation link's example either. Will have to try this out. Cool Stuff, man. j. Actually, just got back from the example and I see how the last line was tied ... pretty obscurely but a connection ... will have to read up on ROAN stuff some more (read translated chinese ROAN and see if that much obscurity is the norm). |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Very captivating work, dear Ford. And certainly respecting the rules, that I have read.  Margherita |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
After reading the initial aspect of this form, I can see that it could be quite thought-filled. It gives a whole new relevance to this delightful structure. Thank you, Ford, for breaking the ice, so to speak. I think what might have confused some of the other readers is a break between stanzas. At least, as I read the instructions, this format is four lines only. Please feel free to correct me if I am in error.   |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
ah. now this is good stuff! I like the first one most of all... |
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Nicole Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835Florida |
Oh I very much like this; especially the second one. Of course, you make just about every poetry style/type look good |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
I, too, had never heard of a koan. I love the concept. I may be wrong, of course, but I saw what you wrote as not 3 koans, but 1 koan, then a double one. I loved them both (all if they are 3), especially . . . I WAS going to say the first, but even though the second one (second and third?) is (are?) about a human, I must confess I love the second (second and third?) one (ones?) as much. I think the third line of the last stanza is delightfully clever and so Ford! Owl |
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ice Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404Pennsylvania |
Thanks to everyone for reading and the wonderful replies. I have been without my computer for a while , (in the shop) and am responding on my sons. (came home from college for the holidays) I was unable to get into pip as I forgot my password...but somehow today I remembered it. The three Koan are all separate poems, inspired by separate thoughts. I should have made that more clear.:-( Thanks again |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
You actually did make it clear that they were three because there were 2 asterisks to separate them - but two of the asterisks were together instead of the last one separating the 2nd and 3rd. I did see that, but the 2nd and 3rd koan seemed to me to be about the same woman and so that was what made me think that perhaps they were a double one. Thanks for clarifying. Smiles. Owl |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I've always considered your poems to be a little koany, ice!  |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
You write well my friend, but I hate rules for expressing ones' feelings and thoughts. But then again, that's why I'm not a writer/poet. You have true grit ice. JL Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. Maranatha! |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
most interesting - fine imagery! |
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