navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #47 » Childhood
Open Poetry #47
Post A Reply Post New Topic Childhood Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana

0 posted 2011-10-24 08:32 AM


I don't write such poems anymore. I'm old and all of the hurt has been eased somewhat. Still, every so often, the need to write about it surfaces. This is one of those times.

<><><><>

the bitter taste of a miserable childhood
with only God's goodness to see me through
but He left me there
with her
why?
I was too young for Him to be
avenging me
all I know is that it was a cruel thing He did
His departure mutilated my young years
for I was left
at the mercy of her
she had no mercy

control
a good word
you must have control
and you must control
the young
show them the way
by any means
violence was that means at my house
you can be put in a prison
without bars
where you can go to school
(more control)
necessary to mold young minds
my prison
changed almost on a daily basis
all according to the whim
of her

hate is a strong word
when you commit to hate
you turn over the rationale part of you
to irrational thought
be that is it may
I hate that place I grew up in
with her
topping the list
in the guise of raising me
to be a good and proper person
she allowed her demons
to manifest themselves on my body and mind
quick with a slap
a belt, or a limb from a tree
sometimes her demons
gave her the idea to throw things at me
I learned to duck
that angered the demons
how did I survive it intact?
I didn't

high school
found me ashamed when the bruises showed
the cuts festered
tried to cover them up
how do you cover your face?
I felt shame
became antisocial
at first
then became the class clown
the joker in the deck
doing crazy things
for attention
things that would get me paddled
(they did that back then)
had an actual
knock-down-drag-out fight
with Mr. Easley
in the hallway between classes
had a cheering audience
"Get 'im, Pat, get 'im."
I held my own

I believe in God
I believe in a god who has violent temper tantrums
how else to understand
the Adam and Eve story
for their one "crime"
the whole world was cursed
diseases were introduced
for
there was no longer
a Garden of Eden
His tantrum was, and is, widespread
involving every human
even small children
who He gives agonizingly, painful diseases
where they undergo treatment
even more agonizing and painful
than the disease itself
yes
I believe in God
a moody, hateful, wrathful one

©October 19, 2011 / Jerry Pat Bolton


~*  If they give you lined paper, write the other way.  ~*~

[This message has been edited by JerryPat2 (10-24-2011 09:47 AM).]

© Copyright 2011 Jerry Pat Bolton - All Rights Reserved
Eusta B. Mae 2
Junior Member
since 2011-10-20
Posts 15
state of confusion
1 posted 2011-10-24 09:04 AM


Jp2 this is some strong stuff here. Hard to imagine what your mom was going through to make her act like that. Sorry you were at the recieving end. ebm


JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
2 posted 2011-10-24 09:51 AM


Thanks, Eusta B. Mae 2, I survived, but had some bad years trying to deal with its aftereffects.

~*  If they give you lined paper, write the other way.  ~*~

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
3 posted 2011-10-24 03:18 PM


I used to think I'd had it tough... but as I learn what others have survived, I realize how cushy my life was in comparison... I may have worn bruises, but I also knew love.

(((((HUGS))))) to those who got too much of the first and not nearly enough of the latter.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
4 posted 2011-10-24 03:23 PM


Appreciate the comments and the comparison, suthern, because it is so true that other had it even worse. at least I wasn't stuck in a cage and not fed and tortured like I read about every so often. So yeah, as bad as we think we have it, there is always someone who had it worse.

~*  If they give you lined paper, write the other way.  ~*~

Paul Wilson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711
United States
5 posted 2011-10-24 05:37 PM


JP2...I couldn't imagine having to go thru what you went thru. As everyone else we all hear the terrible stories on the nightly news and just shake our heads in disbelief but saddly it happens everyday.
Touching story you have told within this poem. I know the scars will never leave but hpoefully they have healed a little...Paul

~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~
Paul

JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
6 posted 2011-10-24 06:40 PM


I have found a place, Paul, where I can deal with the past and not be obsessed with it. It took me many years and many different roads I traveled to make the memories fade somewhat. I'm old now, maybe that's why I'm dealing with it better than I used to, but like I said in the poem, sometimes I just HAVE to address those days again.

Thank you for your kind remarks.

~*  If they give you lined paper, write the other way.  ~*~

JL
Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128
Texas, USA
7 posted 2011-10-24 08:10 PM


Well, then address them right here and all that will, will give you a hand, or at least support your endeavor to deal with what ever you need.  So let it all hang-out, or air it out.  Bless you my friend.


JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
8 posted 2011-10-24 08:51 PM


I thought that was what I was doing, JL, airing it out here. I've been dealing with it all for some time now, just need to explode every so often. Thanks . . .

~*  If they give you lined paper, write the other way.  ~*~

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
9 posted 2011-10-25 03:09 AM


I can relate to this and understand why you still need to vent sometimes.
                             Ida

JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
10 posted 2011-10-25 06:41 AM


I'm sorry you can relate, Ida and thank you for being here.

~*  If they give you lined paper, write the other way.  ~*~

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
11 posted 2011-10-25 04:19 PM


Oh, how I can relate to this one.  Some wounds never really heal... you just learn to live with them.  I'm glad you did write this, JP.  It makes the peace I usually see in you that much more profound.  I find writing sometimes alleviates the emotion, even if it's only temporary.  I hope it did for you on this one.
Michael

JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
12 posted 2011-10-25 04:33 PM


Michael, if it hadn't been for my writing I dread to think of what I would have become. Thank you for sharing some space with me today.

~*  If they give you lined paper, write the other way.  ~*~

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #47 » Childhood

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary