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JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

0 posted 2011-09-06 08:59 PM

what visions are found within
darkness of imagination
before the winds of change
scatter them willy-nilly
into the cellar of id's yawing jaws
what do you hear
when alone and cold bites your soul
shrilling wind outside
what is the music it plays
do you dance
or hide
from your uttermost fears

the wind talks to you
does it dare tell you the truth
that you are fraudulent
nowhere else to go
universe caving in on you
curl into human ball
hiding
freezing from global warming
eyes pools of dark regret
your wants and desires
folded up and put in a suitcase
as you cry tears of ineptitude

a gurgling, final hiss
my dream, my dream

~~ How come abbreviated is such a long word? ~~

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2011-09-07 03:53 AM

Let me say that this poem shows your great talent powerfully.

Our fears! We feel so small in this vast overwhelmingly mysterious Universe and our limited perceptivity makes us indeed hunker down and curl up so many times. We are in the flow of continuous change (also climatic change, yes!).

But we are not alone! I believe that our material death is only a transition into another dimension, where our dreams continue. We are not mere flesh, there is so much more to our existence.

You have touched upon themes that can't be exhaustively treated in just a few words, but you provoke thoughts. It is our goal, I think, to grow in the awareness of being part of a divine plan, of being LOVED.

We are all walking this Path together and when we reach out we always find that invisible (or visible) hand to help us trusting our steps.

Great work, dear Jerry!

Love,
Margherita

"Love is the One who masters all things;
I am mastered totally by Love."
(Rumi)

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

2 posted 2011-09-07 07:56 AM

Appreciate your commitment to read and comment on my writings. Most of the time your comments or so indepth to the poem that I rather get more out if it than do the poem itself. And that's a good thing.

~~ How come abbreviated is such a long word? ~~

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

3 posted 2011-09-07 08:14 AM

Jerry, you give so much comfort in your works like this. Cold as some of the images may be, they are warmed by recognition and sharing. The journey is not quite so scary with you blazing the trail. Thanks for taking me along.
Lori

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

4 posted 2011-09-07 09:05 AM

Good morning, Lori, and thank you for being here and your lovely comments.

~~ How come abbreviated is such a long word? ~~

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

5 posted 2011-09-07 11:04 AM

I will quote Margerita:
"this poem shows your great talent powerfully"

I love the grit of your work when you are on your game, the grit of it..Not maucho like some dark writers of darker themes..
It is real life you have captured here, like Bukowski did, like Bertolt Brecht.

Very well done.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

6 posted 2011-09-07 03:45 PM

Thanks, Ice, to associate me with greats as you did gives me a little shiver up my spine. I love your comments and again, thank you so much. Uh, I don't do macho very well, it always turned me off because most of it is so damned fraudulent.

~~ How come abbreviated is such a long word? ~~

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

7 posted 2011-09-07 04:19 PM

"a gurgling, final hiss
my dream, my dream"

Great write JerryPat2.
I really like the close.
Reads like the middle part of a short story.
Enjoyed.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

8 posted 2011-09-07 06:17 PM

Appreciate it JL. Hope you are having a good day.

~~ How come abbreviated is such a long word? ~~

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

9 posted 2011-09-07 09:30 PM

I started reading this poem with the memory that the last time I heard the term "hunker down", the wind stripped my home away as it screamed and howled at my helplessness... but the stark and powerful images you've written are of much more than a literal storm. Like Margherita said... it's a very thought provoking work!!

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

10 posted 2011-09-07 09:36 PM

Hello suthern, and thank you for being here. I take it you were in a hurricane or tornado. Either one would certainly make you "hunker down." I hope no one was harmed during the storm.

Sometimes my thoughts grab me and I give them free reign, which is what happened to this poem. To feel such helplessness, whether realistic as you did, or mentally as this poem suggests is a horrible place to be.

~~ How come abbreviated is such a long word? ~~

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