Al's nursery rhymes - pipTalk Forums

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Open Poetry #47

Al's nursery rhymes

tuffluv66
Member

since 2011-05-13

Posts 121
Iowa, U.S.A.

0 posted 2011-08-05 09:23 AM

Apples and plums,

fingers and thumbs,

the little boy wasn't so blue.

Little Mary

was never contrary

and the old lady never lived in a shoe.

Little Bo Peep

hated sheep

and all the cow ever did was moo.

The three little pigs

didn't build new digs

and all the plate was used for was stew.

There never was a spider

tickling inside her,

nor was Jack and the Beanstalk true.

There is one thing you see,

that will always be;

I'll always be in love with you!

Marilyn
Member Elite

since 1999-09-26

Posts 2621
Ontario, Canada

1 posted 2011-08-06 01:00 PM

ok baby...here goes.

This is not one of your best pieces. I feel like you stole the lines of the nursery rhymes and just turned them around. The theme is scattered and the ending is out of the blue. The rest of the poem doesn't even come close to leading you there.

In my opinion (and it is just that..my opinion) this piece is scattered and broken. Unlike you it is unoriginal and I dislike it.

You can do so much better and you know it.

I love you.

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

2 posted 2011-08-06 01:45 PM

Like your twist and rhyming scheme.

Gotta love the love at the end also.
Very cool!

ebonygirl
Member Elite

since 2011-07-14

Posts 2000
California U.S.A

3 posted 2011-08-06 05:06 PM

Child's play love rhyme.
Loved it, silly is good,
ebonygirl

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