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faithmairee
Senior Member

since 2011-01-05

Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA

0 posted 2011-01-15 01:48 PM

Lord, you know that I've been hurting.
Momma says it's growing pains.
Oh, you know that I've been hurting
Momma says it's growing pains.
Here I am a hurting, yes, I'm hurting once again.

Well, I've been down to the river;
Lord, I went down there feeling fine.
Yes, I went down to the river;
Lawd, I went down there feeling fine.
But before I knew it, I was sitting there a crying.

Momma. said it just ain't easy.
Life's not always what it seems.
Momma said it just ain't easy.
Life's not always what it seems.
She said,"You're just a poor girl with some crazy, mixed-up dreams."

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

1 posted 2011-01-15 02:10 PM

Hi Faith
Yep, I really like it.
I don't think you should say "once again" but simply, "again"
In the title could you say "Hurting Again" do you see where I'm coming from?

I don't know about the word "poor" before "girl". Maybe something else to describe the singer, only because it's an overused blues word, but really it's just my opinion and I'm wrong a lot.
I just absolutely love the verse about the river and I'd like to see you tie it into the one you're hurt over...Like I used to meet him at the river or similiar. Something like that.
Don't take me too seriously but I'm just suggesting.

This really is very good bluesy work!

Eric

Love does not look after it's own interests.

The_Doctors_Angel_32
Member

since 2011-01-14

Posts 337
Florida, USA

2 posted 2011-01-15 02:15 PM

Another awesome poem. I could feel your pain as I read. I loved the way it sounds like a song. I really enjoyed the read!!!

When the family is together, the soul is at peace - Russian Proverb

faithmairee
Senior Member

since 2011-01-05

Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA

3 posted 2011-01-15 02:17 PM

Hi, Eric-Well, I wrote this some thirty-five years ago and it really is simply about the growing pains a girl goes through. It was published as written. I appreciate your comments though.

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

faithmairee
Senior Member

since 2011-01-05

Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA

4 posted 2011-01-15 02:19 PM

The_Doctors_Angel_32-Thanks so much. I wrote it as a song and I'm glad you enjoyed it so much!

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

5 posted 2011-01-15 02:25 PM

Faith
It was not my intention to insult your work.
And, it is fine the way it is.
Just an opinion on my part. I write a lot of song lyrics and I was simply sharing my thoughts. There is no real set of rules when it comes to songwriting.
What I suggest may be so far out of whack that it would never work.
Just consider it a compliment, after all I did write that I really liked this piece.
Keep on with your fine writing I enjoy it.

Whew, 35 years ago, well, that makes it an established piece of musical art.

Take care and have a nice day.

Eric

Love does not look after it's own interests.

faithmairee
Senior Member

since 2011-01-05

Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA

6 posted 2011-01-15 02:29 PM

Dear Eric-My goodness, no! I wasn't insulted at all. I'm sorry if my response came across that way. I do appreciate your comments. All I meant was that I like it the way I wrote it is all.

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

7 posted 2011-01-15 02:31 PM

WRITE ON!

faithmairee
Senior Member

since 2011-01-05

Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA

8 posted 2011-01-15 02:32 PM

we're still friends then?

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

9 posted 2011-01-15 02:34 PM

Smile.....You bet your life we are!

Love does not look after it's own interests.

faithmairee
Senior Member

since 2011-01-05

Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA

10 posted 2011-01-15 02:35 PM

Great because I wouldn't have it any other way...

Faith

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

11 posted 2011-01-15 04:37 PM

Mama's have been there, done that. Listen to 'em. Trying to fit a tune to this little soulful ditty.

Intolerant people are the people who do not believe the way we want them to, which makes us intolerant by default.â€”July 26, 2010

faithmairee
Senior Member

since 2011-01-05

Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA

12 posted 2011-01-15 11:34 PM

JerryPat-That would be wonderful if you could...thanks for reading and commenting on my song.

Faith

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

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