The stain of cleanliness - pipTalk Forums

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EmmaRose
Senior Member

since 2011-03-02

Posts 1376
Midwest

0 posted 2011-03-13 12:01 PM

I told him I
liked his grey locks
not as shaggy, the new style
became him, even his guitar
picking was sounding better

and that I was different now
I changed and not to
wax of nostalgia or sing
of the way it was

He told me we never change
I said we do, and even
if we don't, that itself is still
change, the wind blows regardless
of what side of the fence the
laundry hangs on

I went home and cleaned my floor
the way Mom taught me, down on
my knees, with a scrub brush,
the only way to achieve real clarity
and cleanliness

the stains engraved though, before
I got real good at cleaning, old
particles left, knicks on the tiles
stuff I'd never get out

I thought of the old hippie and
wished I hadn't run into him.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

1 posted 2011-03-13 12:29 PM

I quite understand this. Quite.

~ My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. ~

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

2 posted 2011-03-13 01:19 PM

I had a flash of Shakespeare's Lady MacBeth trying to scrub out a spot of blood. "Out I say!"
In my mind's eye I could also envision a couple of 'Rockwellian' scenes. A very compelling piece of poetry.

EA

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

3 posted 2011-03-14 11:19 AM

I love the way this waxed more metaphorical as the poem progressed. Lovely!

Owl

Richy
Member Elite

since 2003-05-03

Posts 3050

4 posted 2011-03-14 12:21 PM

Dear Emma, this brought a swelling to my eyes. In love with your writing, its a blessing.

Richard

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

5 posted 2011-03-14 10:18 PM

He told me we never change
I said we do, and even
if we don't, that itself is still
change, the wind blows regardless
of what side of the fence the
laundry hangs on

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There you have it, love the simplicity you used to convey a disappointing subject.

No matter how much we try to live in the moment,
the past stays close enough to tap us on our shoulder,

....and make us look.

love your work~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2011-03-14 10:20 PM

"the stains engraved though, before
I got real good at cleanin"

Nodding here.

I like to think of that as 'character', though.

This is excellent, EmmaRose.

EmmaRose
Senior Member

since 2011-03-02

Posts 1376
Midwest

7 posted 2011-03-21 10:11 PM

thanks for stopping by

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