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Open Poetry #47
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| Open Poetry #47 |
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Past Due |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
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it's been a while... and when i read this, perhaps justifiably so. :) ----- she christened silence with the charity of abstinence. these portals once entered are no longer calm and substantive; doorways are change, and we have only brought it on ourselves. it would be cliche to say that twenty years ago we were young. we were virile. we were compassionate and understanding, but only when compromise was unecessary. see, in the passion of youth, it all matters. in the exigency of love, nothing matters. but we are not young, and she is not young -- or fertile -- and thus this legacy dies like a vine extended too far in the winter's light. she is solitude, i am gone, and the vagaries of the wind blow dust over a life long past. ---- to those about to rock, we salute you. AC/DC ---- one step to the edge, and she wavers. the drop is expansive / expensive / and she never could commit. once upon a time, there was a girl. then came woman. and now, when it matters, when she is sole and stubborn and poised on the precipice... girl once more. when she turns, and her lips pull down in a Rainbow-Brite-pout, i feel the tug of terror. it is a friendly smile she masks across her eyes, a benign, unmoving, uncaring stole of stone. she once loved more than i allowed, but now, now she is Death, and my heart is her treadmill. |
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| © Copyright 2011 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
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bel1e Senior Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 1631 |
~very engaging spill~ ~niiice |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Christopher-I'm thinkin' this is pretty cool! I really liked it.  Lori |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
There's a lot to think about here, and right now I'm a bit distracted by the "warm and fuzzy" happy-to-see you response. Death on a treadmill? That image alone encouraged some rusty gear in my head to commence to churning. Each stanza is equally evocative, C. The tone is level throughout, with not so much regret as weary. I'm not sure why, but it reminds me of when I'm startled by something behind me to my left--then when I try to turn my head to see what it is, it is only then that I am reminded that whiplash has disallowed that move from my repertoire. (Along with other neck moves.  )Maybe it was the AC/DC reference. No more head banging for me.  To say that I "enjoyed" this would not be entirely accurate. It evoked something unsettling in me. And I can't seem to put my finger on it.  I'm going to go think too much for a bit.  love you! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I'm going to put aside the whoopee, Chris is back, for the moment... my first thought was: you're too young to write this old! That was my main focus about 2/3rds the way through when I realized we've "known" each other for a number of years now... and in the latter third of the poem, I am feeling sorry with hesitancy...because it was the first 2/3rds that got the poet where he is today in this writing.... so I beg the questions: are we poet, or are we heart? Were you writing for someone else, or yourself? Not all poets wrote of themselves, as you well have taught me...but doesn't all of the best of poets come from reality? It is good to read you, son. Welcome home. Smell the cookies? Mom |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
My heart is her treadmill says it all for me, Chris...the final click of the tumbler. Enjoyed.... |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
There's a real melancholy strain through the depth of this. That's either a very old picture or you're writing about someone else. Excellent application of metaphors to fit the mood. I too think the treadmill line is a powerful conclusion. I enjoyed the read very much especially the second and third time through. Cheers Eric the writer views a critic like a fire hydrant would view a dog |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
This is very very sad and well written poem. good job. Juju -Juju |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
I cant say it as well as the others but OH...I cannot decide between tears and applause. |
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