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Open Poetry #45
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brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere

0 posted 2009-06-09 06:18 PM




Go softly, sweet soul,
So your departure is but a whisper;
A small puff of air~
Not at all like the wind with which
You blew into my life
That warm November night.

Go slowly, dear soul,
So that I am aware of you
Each second you are still here;
So that I am able to fully feel
That you are safe and near
As I cry bittersweet tears.

Go swiftly, though, soul,
So as to torture me no longer,
Haven't I been long~suffering?
I'm afraid to be left this way and
I'd rather you stay close by, but

Go safely, soul,
With Godspeed
And gossamer wings...

Please go.
*from the "Quieting Unrequitedness~Songs from the Time of Kren Shaw" collection

~I am the keeper of what he casted off~

© Copyright 2009 shellie - All Rights Reserved
Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1 posted 2009-06-10 08:26 AM


Yo dear Brneyedgrly,

This is a well done poem.  I'll look for more of your poems.

Love Bobby

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

2 posted 2009-06-10 08:36 AM


You write pain quite beautifully.

sigh

This one, well it's kinda like The National Anthem--easy to learn, but hard as hell to sing.

Impressive debut!

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
3 posted 2009-06-10 08:43 AM


thank you so much...scary putting something so personal out there for the first time.  Bones, have you ever thought of trying to publish your poetry?  you are a god...

i'm just happy that you noticed my poem instead of the grammar faux pas in my signature : )  "Cast" is a funny little word...it looked strange to me in hindsight and I found that one cannot use the verb in the past tense.  There simply is no such word as "casted".  

It has been corrected...what a first impression!

~I am the keeper of what he cast off~

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
4 posted 2009-06-10 08:51 AM


thanks, blaze!  i am overwhelmed by the compliments...this is my thing and I like my stuff, but it literally brings tears to my eyes to hear that someone else found some worth in it

~I am the keeper of what he cast off~

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
5 posted 2009-06-10 09:49 AM


You have brilliantly captured one of the great dichotomies of grief... wanting to hold on while needing to move on. Fantastic write!!!

Welcome to Passions!!

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
6 posted 2009-06-10 09:52 AM


browneyes..almost a picking off of the wings and hoping it will fly back after kind of farewell..enjoyed it
brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
7 posted 2009-06-10 11:14 AM


suthern and dark...both of your descriptions are spot~on!  it happened exactly like that : )

~I am the keeper of what he cast off~

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
8 posted 2009-06-13 11:05 PM


Oh yes, I have been there - knowing it is time to move on but my feet were made of concrete.  Lingering and looking back as I slowly trudged down another road.

I like this and am enjoying you here at PiP.

Alison

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
9 posted 2009-06-13 11:48 PM


~thanks so much A...i love this place and don't plan on ever leaving  : )  all of you guys are great!
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