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Open Poetry #45
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Ice Queen.
| Open Poetry #45 |
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Ice Queen. |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. 
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You spoke in cold words neatly poured and frozen in small pieces I had to twist the tray with two hands just to get them to fall out of your mouth. You dressed in hooded black looked at me with awkward smiles filtered harshness through the charcoal of your eyes. Then you opened your kind lips spoke to me this time of bloodied wounds and things that rhymed with infinity and skeletons and you lulled me to a gentle sleep. __________________________________________ You Don't Have to Inhale Cigars. (series) P Thirty bits of glass had become my teeth, They were breaking each and every time I tried to speak. [This message has been edited by viking_metal (06-29-2009 05:59 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2009 Paul Weisbrod - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Ok, I was drawn in because becoming an "Ice Queen ... on skates" was my dream ... but your poem took me elsewhere and it was an incredible surprise. It is a stunning piece of poetry, one of your very best, no doubt. Love, Margherita |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
Paul.. what a wonderful piece of writing.. I applaud you... amazing write!  RDB Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Thanks guys. I am pretty proud of this one. Thirty bits of glass had become my teeth, |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
Dark and mysterious, and ever so fascinating. Love the twist you put on this. |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Thanks a lot, Blue.  Thirty bits of glass had become my teeth, |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
"You spoke in cold words neatly poured and frozen in small pieces I had to twist the tray with two hands just to get them to fall out of your mouth." ~ That was uniquely clever! ~ Downright brilliantly you! A Water Princess  |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Thank you ma'am, I am proud of that stanza. Thirty bits of glass had become my teeth, |
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Kaoru
since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892where the wild flowers grow |
Well done. Twisting the tray? Nah, let's just get a fridge with an ice maker. |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
You spoke in cold words neatly poured and frozen in small pieces I had to twist the tray with two hands just to get them to fall out of your mouth. ~you know this is utterly brilliant, don't you?  |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Paul, This is a very deeply interesting poem. It's a thinkers poem. I like the way it works. Bobby |
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Tara Simms Hall Member
since 2001-11-07
Posts 87South Carolina |
Love the first stanza...the word brilliant has already been used, but it describes it so perfectly! Tara |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Kaoru... Yeah. Some of us is awful poor. Browneyes... Thank you. Bobby, my main man... Thanks man. I'm glad you like it. That means a lot. Thirty bits of glass had become my teeth, |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Tara... Thank you. It is awesome to see that so many people are recieving my poetry positively. It's never been like this before. Thirty bits of glass had become my teeth, |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Hey Paul! quote: What an opening! I want to write this poem. It's really good and you just keep getting better and better. Yep, you are. A |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Thank you ma'am. It feels good, but odd, to be so well received these days. Thirty bits of glass had become my teeth, |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
yes, very clever...enjoyed the opening too... but it's great how it feels like a bad dream....makes me want to shiver!  |
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unboundpoetess Member
since 2008-05-24
Posts 477 |
wow look at you This is outstanding. My fave piece of yours to date. The milk must be working for ya. Heather |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Shea. Fanksh. You da besht. Unbound... I'm developing as a poet. Finally. Thank you, mademoiselle. P Thirty bits of glass had become my teeth, |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
I think this is one of your best, Paul. Ida |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Thank you Ida. Thirty bits of glass had become my teeth, |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
quote: I think that you are well received because you are good and you are just getting better. It seems that you have found your style and you use words in such a visual manner, yet still touch us with them I have liked you early on - so I find it a real pleasure to watch you grow. And to think ... I wish I had written that. Friends, Ala-hoon |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Thank you, allaboo. It has been a pleasure finding my way, so to speak. who knows what's left. P Thirty bits of glass had become my teeth, |
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kindredspirit Member
since 2009-05-19
Posts 156 |
you have created an ingenious work of art. "looked at me with awkward smiles filtered harshness through the charcoal of your eyes" this suggests that you know her very well, ...and yet she "lulled you into a gentle sleep" i absolutely love this poem! it is totally beautiful, stunning, and creative! |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Tbanks very much. I'm glad you liked it. I am particularly proud of this piece. Thirty bits of glass had become my teeth, |
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