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Open Poetry #45
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GBride
Senior Member
since 2009-07-02
Posts 538


0 posted 2009-10-24 08:24 PM



Notice from the company director.

Due to economic circumstances we regret to inform all of our employees that due to lagging demand  for our products and the increasing costs  of production all salaries and hour wages will be reduced by one third. Be assured that this is temporary and in no way diminishes your value to the company.

Our personal resources director informs us that we need to inform employees of their need to economize during the economic downturn.

Therefore our recommendations are as follows:

1.Send all of your pets to the animal shelter. Fido and Mittens simply cannot expect to remain in your care when the situation is so dire.

2.Do visit the dollar stores early and often. Also consider the second hand shops. Some have excellent apparel for a fraction of the cost of the mall.

3. That aging parent parent who lives in the back bedroom. Take he/she to a state supported old folks home. Rent her room to a vagrant.

4.You may wish to consider the laying off of children.

5.Be certain to explain to them that it is not their fault and indeed in their performance evaluations they did quite well. Give them a high rating say in obedience. Rate them up in ball playing. Okay, they didn't do so well in room cleaning, but then noone is perfect. So we dropped that one so as not to bring down the overall average in the final rating.

6.You may wish to transport them to the local mission shelter telling them to go in and announce their intention to take up residence immediately.

7.Explain to the children although it is not their fault, they may have to take a lower position in a family with a more modest income temperately. It's nobody's fault, just a dip in the old stock market. Encourage the belief that they did nothing wrong.
  
8.You may wish to give them some unemployment compensation temperately, say $25 a week, just for some spending money, but only for six months.

9.Tell them that our country's leaders are hard at work to reverse the financial downturn, and we can soon expect relief. So there is no reason to go off the deep end as we say.

10.If any family of a more modest means should contact you about the performance of your former children: be evasive. Talk without saying anything really so as to avoid a lawsuit if your children should not work out for any reason. It doesn't hurt to keep the old butt covered.

Well that's about the extent of the solutions we have available at this time. Should you need advising be sure to check with your immediate supervisor before coming to the office. We are terribly busy right now as I'm sure you can understand.

Well, good luck folks.

© Copyright 2009 GBride - All Rights Reserved
N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet
Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 360
New Orleans
1 posted 2009-10-25 02:58 AM


This made me laugh
2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
2 posted 2009-10-25 08:47 AM


very interesting, enjoyed the deep irony.
reagrds

yann

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