there are doors to be closed

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2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

0 posted 2009-10-17 04:55 AM

There are doors to be closed, the door
of doubting about you, the door that opened
this charming black girl while shopping fruits,
there are doors of thoughts too that you have
to mistrust because leading in unknown dark walls,
keep that door closed, the one of depression
that tames so easily your mind, keep that door
closed, the one of understanding women, keep
that door close, the door of being famous or
the one of pardonning for the roses she threw
at you, keep that door closed, the one of
vanished loved people that haunt you since
a desesparing while, there are doors to be closed
just for seeing that colorful red or yellow one,
just next smiling at you.

GBride
Senior Member

since 2009-07-02

Posts 538

1 posted 2009-10-17 10:29 PM

I can't walk away from those doors without looking in. Sorry, but it's one of my faults.
I would like to comment on something to improve your poem. But I don't know how it can be improved.
Good Job

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

2 posted 2009-10-19 05:43 AM

wonderful Yann!

Bisous de Sydney
RDB

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

AncientHippie
Member

since 2009-10-15

Posts 411
Surfing the Cosmic Flow

3 posted 2009-10-19 08:14 AM

I liked this piece, Yann. I did not enjoy it, though, because I felt too strongly the claustrophobia that comes when almost all the doors are closed. You did permit a ray of hope to shine through towards the end when you mentioned the smile. Fine craft here, girl. Thank you.

Sutra 4: Do not expect your Path to be smooth. It will have rocks, slippery portions, and parts that are washed away completely. Persevere.

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

4 posted 2009-10-19 01:55 PM

thanks Gbride, I just recall that english is not my first language, so I think that when I write, it can look a little strange sometimes, May be I should write always in french first and then translate, my doors poem are directly written in english...thanks for the supportive comment.

yann

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

5 posted 2009-10-19 01:59 PM

thanks Roniece for the kind comment, I feel a little sorry you got back in australia, I so much enjoyed your parisian poems.

bisous de Brest

yann

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

6 posted 2009-10-19 02:01 PM

Thanks AH,I appreciate your comment and enjoyed the feelings in it, thanks for sharing

yann

PS I am a boy.the web is sometimes confusing you are not the first.

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