The Tale of Two Cheeks - pipTalk Forums

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LindsayP
Member Elite

since 2007-07-28

Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria

0 posted 2009-09-30 09:46 PM

THE TALE OF TWO CHEEKS

The other day down the street, I met up with Pat Bourke,
On his face was a sad look of remorse,
His eye was as black, as a burnt toasted snack,
You’d swear he’d been kicked by a horse.

I said, “ good gracious Pat what have you done?
I’d sure hate to have a shiner like ye,”
Then he let me know, about a sad tale of woe
Of what happened, when a gent he was trying to be.

He told me last Sunday when he went to church,
That he sat down behind Mrs Kate Jones,
She was the biggest female in the whole congregation,
She weighted in at a full twenty two stone.

Now she was three axehandles across the rear
And her bottom was too big for the pew,
When she stood up to sing, I’m afraid a terrible thing
Was to happen, when Pat made a blue.

On rising to her feet, at the organ’s first beat,
Her dress ‘tween the cheeks of her bottom was caught,
And Pat being a gent, to the rescue he went,
For a solution to the problem he sought.

As he pulled the dress free from those two monstrous cheeks,
I’m afraid Mrs Jones took a very dim view,
She threw a back handed punch, with a sickening crunch,
With a force that could be equalled by few.

At the very first try, she hit Pat full in the eye,
And the result was just so plain to see,
For it put on his face, a sad look of disgrace
And a feeling to live long in his memory.

Another week passed before I next saw old Pat
And to say the least, I got one big surprise,
His eyes had turned blue, with a dark purple hue,
For this time he had two very black eyes.

I stood there amazed, and said Pat, as I gazed,
“I’m afraid this story you will not believe,
But last Sunday at church, for the truth there to search,
I took along my sister’s boy Steve.”

We sat in the same pew, and I tell you quite true,
Mrs Jones sat in front of us once again,
When we stood up to sing, happened the very same thing,
But this time it was Steve , to the rescue he came.

Now young Steve could see her, So he pulled the dress clear,
But I thought, to get a smack in the eye was a sin,
So as quick as could be, to save Steve trouble you see,
I lent over and pushed it back in. ‘’

Lindsay

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

1 posted 2009-10-01 12:44 PM

Lindsay - you're toooooooooooo much, a cheek here, a cheek there, watch out for those cheeks!!!

BC

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

2 posted 2009-10-01 09:28 AM

ROFLMAO... You lovable rogue... this is delightful! *S*

larzana
Member

since 2009-09-17

Posts 55

3 posted 2009-10-01 02:04 PM

Lmao that was so funny!

brneyedgrly
Senior Member

since 2009-06-08

Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere

4 posted 2009-10-03 01:44 PM

Linds

This is hilarious

and my favorite story so far

love,

Shellie

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

5 posted 2009-10-03 01:48 PM

Oh, my GAWD! I just blew a gasket!!!
That was HYSTERIALLY FUNNY!!!

I could see it all playing out in my mind's eye! Well, I suppose that will be the last time he ever pulls a dress out of ~ or pushes a dress in to ~ a 'lady's' butt crack! lol lol lol

Love to laugh! Love you!

Linda Lou

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-29

Posts 7115
South Africa

6 posted 2009-10-03 04:03 PM

Lindsay - thank you again for another amusing tale!

Helen

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