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viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

0 posted 2009-09-17 10:26 PM

I wound my string theory
around your ankles making bracelets
weighing you down with my memory
scratching at each tendon
just to stay on your mind

I imagined that strong face of yours
spread it apart and made a flower
with one of your eyes on every petal,
unblinking and perfectly brown

You laughed and I made the sounds into words
telling me that you knew all about my gentle smile
how I bottled it and saved it for you
I had nothing to say to that.

____________________________________
Bad Habits. (series)

Paul

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

1 posted 2009-09-18 01:49 AM

This is interesting. I particularly got lost in the thought of a flower with a brown eye on each petal. How disconcerting to have staring at you! I really liked the string analogy too. I think this is good because it does make me stop and ... imagine what you have described and then consider the depth of feeling that could be behind the poem.

I like it.
A

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

2 posted 2009-09-18 10:34 AM

I like your replies, alaboo.

Thanks for reading, I'm glad you liked it.

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2009-09-18 05:42 PM

Enjoyed...James

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

4 posted 2009-09-18 05:57 PM

Gosh, what a thought "the string theory around her ankles"!

Hey, Picasso might be jealous, be careful where you put those eyes ...

A pleasure to read for its uniqueness.

Love,
Margherita

brneyedgrly
Senior Member

since 2009-06-08

Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere

5 posted 2009-09-18 06:39 PM

sweet, Paul..

I like when you write about girls..

hope that brown eyed girl

likes your jeep

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

6 posted 2009-09-21 06:42 AM

James... thanks.

Margopargo... Thanks. I'll be sure to stay out of Picasso's way.

Browneyes... She told me she did. She drove me from one end of the parking lot to the other once, and saw it. haha.

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

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