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Open Poetry #45
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Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments

0 posted 2009-09-13 05:22 PM


The river plays a lilting requiem
only I can hear
as I gaze up through its opalescent waters
to the bright flickerings of the day.

Tiny fish flit past,
their silver skitterings enchanting.
Smooth scales graze my outstretched fingertips
and kiss my bluish cheeks
as I sink further into cobalt dark.

My lungs scorch in airless pain,
a panicked fire in icy waters
but soon enough the river paints me
with the cool acceptance of fate.

I rest now in aqueous mud
my hair tangled in green weeds and bones,
limbs tingling out
the last of my conscious thoughts
as slowly, quietly, dreamily
I am gone.

~*Krista Botterill*~

"Creating yourself is a spiritual act." ~ Susan Vreeland

http://www.nosecondopportunity.blogspot.com

© Copyright 2009 Krista Botterill - All Rights Reserved
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
1 posted 2009-09-13 09:27 PM


...It's taking me a while to think of an appropreated response. Let me start by saying that you wrote this beautifully. A fine piece of poetry. It's a unique and unusual subject and I was actually beginning to feel as though I was drowning.

Wake up, dear Alwye, wake up!


Linda

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
2 posted 2009-09-13 11:36 PM



alwye

I think this is excellent  

very strong images

shellie


Ingrediants
New Member
since 2009-09-13
Posts 8

3 posted 2009-09-14 01:58 AM


Wow, i liked this alot. I could visual the entire poem. I think its the beauty that follows the girl as well as in her death which kept me reading. Very awesome job!
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
4 posted 2009-09-14 04:28 AM


Visions of Ophelia came into mind here.

This is an excellent write, even though drowning is certainly no peaceful experience, you succeed in bringing breath back in the end, because  you use ... "quietly, dreamily ....".

A treat to read.

Love,
Margherita

Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 1999-06-16
Posts 3850
In the space between moments
5 posted 2009-09-14 06:11 PM


The idea of writing about such a scary thing with more objectivity and beauty was intriguing to me--so I gave it a try.  I kind of like the result.  

Margherita--I was thinking of Ophelia too as I was writing.  It seems we are on the same wavelength.

Thanks for the kind words everyone.  I know the subject matter is a little strange--but for some reason, I was drawn to it. Ophelia must be speaking to me.

~*Krista Botterill*~

"Creating yourself is a spiritual act." ~ Susan Vreeland

http://www.nosecondopportunity.blogspot.com

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