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Open Poetry #45
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For Dave
| Open Poetry #45 |
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For Dave |
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Huan Yi Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688Waukegan 
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. Our lives Are filling up With graves The morning Sunlight On summer flowers Somewhere Nowhere A single dove Its silence Better Than any words . |
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| © Copyright 2009 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Poignant! Love, M |
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secondhanddreampoet Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394a 'Universalist' ! |
well done!! |
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Misty Lilacs Senior Member
since 2005-11-15
Posts 1060White Birch Forest |
Loved this as it touched my heart! ooxx Marti ________________________ |
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D.Lester Young Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1219Austin, Tx |
Compact, tight, and powerful delivery. This is hard to do, you have the quill of a poet. Dave will be proud of the dedication. |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear Huan Yi, This works the way it is. A good poem, and well drawn. Considerations: Does the name of a specific summer flower, probably not roses, change the poem in a worthwhile way? Would making the single dove a morning dove have an effect? Would giving the dove a color have an effect, grey or white? What effect does the word "any" have in the final line that makes it necessary? You write in a spare style that is jealous of wasted space. All of these considerations are obsessive sorts of thoughts. I think of these things in my own work, and my stuff takes ungodly long periods of time to finish, so I can't say that you should take up my considerations. And you already have a good poem here. I offer them in the spirit of Vallerie's "A poem is never finished, it is only abandoned." Respectfully, Bob Kaven |
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