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Open Poetry #45
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Spenserian sonnet
| Open Poetry #45 |
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Spenserian sonnet |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway 
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 New Year's Eve parting We two strolled hand in hand that winter day Do you remember walking in the park? You told me that you had to go away The grass was frosty and the loch was dark Our love you said had lost that magic spark My dear, you sighed, my dear, yet once again You held my cold, numb hands as if to mark Your pain was just as wretched as my pain The day was dying and my heart the same How cold it was, that day, how cold, how cold For all my words and tears seemed just in vain Our time was over and the year was old And now the summer trees are full of leaf But still I cannot put away my grief |
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| © Copyright 2009 Heart2Heart - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
The emotion here is so real and the bitter cold adds drama to create a captivating write. Ida |
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D.Lester Young Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1219Austin, Tx |
The strength of your verse grows from line to line with each emotion in full flight of enjoying Poetry at work. One of my faults is that I hate repeating words, so being Constructive in a critique of a piece of exquisite art, look at the line with pain in it twice, can one be hurt to make it stronger. The other places of repeats flowed beautiful. By now way as a poet, have I reach your level of dynamics of Poetics. |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway |
Thank you Ida. This story describes an episode in my mother's life, she was in London two years during WWII with the ATS. I believe this person was the love of her life, although she did marry my father many years afterwards and was very much in love with him  Heart2Heart |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway |
Thank you Lester for the positive critique of my poem, which I always welcome, for how ever can we improve without ? I did however, choose the word "pain" to be used twice in the same line quite intentionally, you see I have done the same with "cold". I have studied the art of sonnets quite a bit and some of the old classic poets use this technique quite often to strengthen, not weaken, the effect of their message. If I have managed to do this here I don't know, but at least I have tried. Thanks ever so much for your kind feedback Katriona |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
this is beautiful K... shellie |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
You are so richly gifted, dear Katriona! One day I will try a sonnet, just because yours are so inspiring! This is powerful in its deep melancholy. Love, margherita |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway |
Thank you sweet Shellie, you are such a dear girl Katriona |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway |
Ah dear Margherita, I missed you today ! You are an inspiration in yourself to read your always inspiring words and to see your happy smiling face. I am positive you would write a lovely sonnet, and it would be a pleasure for me to help you out any time you wish, though I doubt a wonderful poet like yourself needs any assistance Love Katriona |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Thank you, dear Katriona, for offering assistance with your precious experience ... if I get it done, I will submit it to you first.  M. "Love is the One who masters all things; |
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Oklahoma Rose Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586Oklahoma USA |
This is a beautiful sonnet. The sonnet is one of my favorite forms of poetry. It's that darn meter I have trouble with. So, I have writen very few sonnets. Maybe two! If I could just get that meter mastered, I would be writing my two favorite forms all the time. You write them beautifully. |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway |
Any time Margherita m'dear you know where to reach me Oklahoma Rose, thank you ! Yes I struggled with meter myself in the beginning, but then I was offered the advice to "think" da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, and it really helped me a lot. But I agree, sonnets can be a pain to write, but what a pleasure when you feel you have got it right. Katriona |
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Bloodline Member
since 2009-05-23
Posts 236Oklahoma |
I hope you will permit me, I was so inspired by your moving poem, Seeking Resolution And now time has come around to this view Spring has bloomed upon the loch in season Shadows move as if to woo days reason For offering such splendid light for two As hand holds hand and smiles speak out anew My Dear at last the countryside is ours To while away the moments and the hours Keeping all those dreams in night owls whoo From dawnlights warm rays upon yielded soul Bringing life to sip rose wine tenderly And evermore does cast an image past Fair noon, to wander breathlessly, to stroll Beyond evening songbird wings of song, fast The spirit's intertwined, eternally! Bloodline |
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Elemental Warrior Junior Member
since 2009-05-27
Posts 20North Carolina |
this is wonderful writing...you can do no wrong in your words...I only wish I could be this great peace flows into our lives |
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Johan Member
since 2009-05-13
Posts 88Lincolnshire, England U.K. |
Oh Katriona, so very sad, but with fond memories that you must treasure. Johan |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway |
Shall be looking forward to that Margherita Katriona |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway |
Oklahoma Rose, I agree, but once you get the hang of it, I just know it will come automatically to you always, you just "hear" when there's a flaw in the meter. Heart2Heart |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway |
Bloodline, now that is just the most fantastic reply anyone could wish to their poem, thanks so much, you have some really lovely lines there, it's really difficult to try to pick out a favourite one, this one's so lovely: "As hand holds hand and smiles speak out anew" Yes wouldn't it just be so delightful  Katriona |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway |
Elemental Warrior, thanks so much to you for stopping by and for leaving such kind words Heart2Heart |
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Heart2Heart Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738Scotland/Norway |
Yes I do indeed Johan, I have turned several of my mother's little stories into poems through the years. I only wished she had seen some of them before she died, but it wasn't to be. Thanks ever so much dear friend. Katriona |
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