You Made Me Mud. - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

0 posted 2009-07-26 10:02 PM

Glistening with laughter,
I traced each of your glowing eyes
with sandy tact.

And as you rubbed the grit
from my fingers
they began to paint you in circles,
pictures of things I could not say
for fear of trapping words in bubbles.

Pricking each with a needle,
watching phrases flutter down
forming them in pools,
you saw my reflection

and filled them with dirt,
making mud.
_____________________________________________
Bad Habits.
P

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

[This message has been edited by viking_metal (07-27-2009 01:36 PM).]

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2009-07-27 05:27 AM

Goodness gracious, your bad habits are so delightfully poetic, dear Paul!

Love,
Margherita

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

2 posted 2009-07-27 06:02 AM

Thank you, dear Margopargobargo.

I'm glad you liked this one. I think I'm nearly proud of it!

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2009-07-27 01:16 PM

O--M--G

Paul Paul Paul....you just KILL me with these....you just keep getting better and better too

you make *SIGHS*

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

4 posted 2009-07-27 01:53 PM

Thanks SEAsoupPEAsoup. Keep bragging me up like this and I'll be too tough an act for ME to follow.

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

unboundpoetess
Member

since 2008-05-24

Posts 477

5 posted 2009-07-27 04:24 PM

Pauldear

Divine.

You express yourself with such humbleness...quietly plaintive, and use simple words to articulate complicated ideas and feelings...

I like your style.
H

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

6 posted 2009-07-27 04:47 PM

Thanks Heatherdear.

Maybe I'm just a simple kind of guy.

Paul

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

brneyedgrly
Senior Member

since 2009-06-08

Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere

7 posted 2009-07-27 09:16 PM

Pricking each with a needle,
watching phrases flutter down
forming them in pools,
you saw my reflection

very nice paul

browneyes

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

8 posted 2009-07-27 09:48 PM

Thanks browneyes.

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

angellea
Member

since 2009-03-29

Posts 144
NC, USA

9 posted 2009-07-27 11:32 PM

flipping fantastic, paul. i am lovin' your bad habits series-keep 'em coming!

maranda

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

10 posted 2009-07-28 06:12 AM

Angella... Thanks. I guess I didn't even realize you were reading all of them. :O

Paul

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

Kaoru

Member Elite

since 2003-06-07

Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow

11 posted 2009-07-28 08:36 AM

"they began to paint you in circles,
pictures of things I could not say"

You have gotten to be quite the writer, Paul. Enjoyed this piece.

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

12 posted 2009-07-28 11:12 AM

Thanks Kaykayroo. I haven't heard from you in a long time.

Good to see you bumbling around again,

Paul

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

13 posted 2009-07-28 12:02 PM

viking_metal - this is excellent, enjoyed your writing...

BC

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

14 posted 2009-07-28 12:03 PM

Thanks BC. I'm glad you liked it.

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

15 posted 2009-07-28 11:34 PM

Paul,

I am just gonna say that I really like this. No, I am just gonna say that I really love this.

A

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

16 posted 2009-07-29 06:01 AM

Thanks Alaboohoofoofoo. Why?

Paul

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

17 posted 2009-07-31 08:51 PM

Okay, Paul, I am back to answer your question. First, I love the title of this poem - it's really intriguing and makes me want to read your poem. As I have often said, I think you are really good at creating titles. There are a few of you here on PiP that are amazing with titles.

Second, I love the first line and the concept of laughter glistening. I also really love the romantic side of you that you are showing us. It's really cool.

quote:
And as you rubbed the grit
from my fingers
they began to paint you in circles,
pictures of things I could not say
for fear of trapping words in bubbles.

That stanza is incredible. I love the thought of words trapped in bubbles and I loved the why that they are trapped.

Finally, Paul,

quote:
I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

speaks volumes about you. And I like what I am hearing.

Capice, Buckaroo?

Ali

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member

since 2008-02-28

Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA

18 posted 2009-07-31 10:01 PM

A wonderful poem.

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

19 posted 2009-07-31 11:17 PM

Alaboo, thanks. I like detailed replies.

You rock. Capice.

Oklahoma, Thanks a lot. I'm glad you liked it.

I love my dog, and my truck. It's that simple, really.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.