Uh my first poem... lol - pipTalk Forums

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zuratai
New Member

since 2010-01-16

Posts 4

0 posted 2010-01-16 03:38 AM

Everytime I look into your face
I feel like I won some kind of race
becuase you are my hearts greatest trophy
I always want to hold you so tight
and when I do my heart takes flight
All my pains disappear when you are near
I only have one fear, and that is iam going to
lose you my dear...

But now my fear is coming true.
Oh what can I do.
I am so very much in love with you
What can i say so I can be with you another day
Emotions locked inside, Jealousy I cant reside
Do you truly love me back this thought i cannot hide...

Now I know the truth our love was a lie, oh why did
i become so attached becuase now i want to die, denying
what you said my hearts almost dead, if only i read the hints
that you put ahead....

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

1 posted 2010-01-16 01:42 PM

zuratai

I wish my first poem was even close to as good as yours.  You share so much emotion, longing and the questions we so often have about love.  All I can say is - Wow!

Wow for first poem efforts.
Wow for expressing yourself so well.
Wow for sharing your first poem in your first PiP posting.

I am truly looking forward to reading more of your poetry as you write it.  Also, take time when you can to read and comment on other's work.  Comments are like seeds in a garden.  The more you comment, the more people come to read and share their thoughts about your poetry.

Welcome to PiP. If you have any questions feel free to drop me a line.  It's a pleasure to have you among us.

Alison

zuratai
New Member

since 2010-01-16

Posts 4

2 posted 2010-01-16 03:56 PM

thnx i was really bored so i just felt like writing one..

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

3 posted 2010-01-17 12:45 PM

Well who knew where boredom would take you, huh.

Klassy Lassy
Member Elite

since 2005-06-28

Posts 2187
Oregon

4 posted 2010-01-17 01:45 AM

welcome! Your poem makes me think of the roller coaster emotions of being young and in love, because the feelings are so intense and the desire to hold on so deep... But there is always a magic, no matter how old you get.

It is a good first poem. And when you write for a while and look back, it's really interesting to see how the writing evolves.

MadMarcus
Junior Member

since 2009-11-25

Posts 25
Sweden, Solna

5 posted 2010-01-17 06:54 PM

Fantastic poem ^^ Really touched my heart <3

Bridget
New Member

since 2009-07-04

Posts 9
IOWA, USA.

6 posted 2010-01-18 05:06 PM

Oh my
This is really good
Keep up the good work
(:

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

7 posted 2010-01-19 06:32 PM

Hey, welcome to PIP. This is a great first poem. I hope to see more soon.

{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

m48
Member

since 2009-12-02

Posts 108

8 posted 2010-01-20 02:01 PM

nicly written and good expression of feelings.i also liked the title.lol.

ps welcome to pip.

precious pearls
Member

since 2009-07-24

Posts 110
NJ; United States

9 posted 2010-01-21 09:29 PM

loved it! very good...made me sentimental lol
~good job!~

Always,
Kai (a.k.a. precious pearls)

Jeremy
Junior Member

since 2010-01-29

Posts 14

10 posted 2010-01-29 04:50 PM

enjoyed it!

Ravagence
Member

since 2009-08-16

Posts 79

11 posted 2010-01-29 04:52 PM

I dunno about the rhyming but it's good other than that.

nehematala
Member

since 2009-05-21

Posts 129

12 posted 2010-01-31 05:29 PM

this is a really good poem. keep writing

Emi<3Naruto =]
Junior Member

since 2009-09-05

Posts 32

13 posted 2010-02-03 01:22 AM

congratulations on your first peom

it was really good!

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