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Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

0 posted 2010-01-14 06:31 PM

This isn't my best, simply because I wrote it out of every emotion I had in me at the time.

---

I don't know how to explain it,
simply because I can't find the words.
There's so many in my head...
I don't know which to choose.

It's like I'm in a dessert
searching for water.
There's not to be found,
and there's no one to help me.

I'm stuck in this world
trying to meet all the standards,
but I never will...
and I'm picked at it constantly.

My heart aches from the pain
of the words you wounded me with.
I'm not good enough,
and I never will be.

I cried today.
It was horrible.
I told myself I wouldn't,
but I failed there too.

julianna

everyone's normal [until you get to know them]

Leanne <3
Member

since 2007-08-25

Posts 216
N.S.W, Australia

1 posted 2010-01-14 06:44 PM

this one was so sad and beautiful!
well written
-Lee

kjsd
Member

since 2010-01-07

Posts 74
sd usa

2 posted 2010-01-16 03:02 PM

nice job

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

3 posted 2010-01-18 03:29 AM

Julianna,

I felt your emotion and the pain. The only thing that broke the mood was the misspelling of "desert" - you wrote of an after dinner delight. So, if you change that word - the spell won't be broken.

Thank you for sharing this.
Alison

precious pearls
Member

since 2009-07-24

Posts 110
NJ; United States

4 posted 2010-01-21 09:31 PM

it was so..beautiful and sad at the same time!....
excellent...
and heartbraking....

Marine4life
New Member

since 2010-02-28

Posts 5

5 posted 2010-03-05 10:01 AM

dude i can tottally relate to this

My heart aches from the pain
of the words you wounded me with.
I'm not good enough,
and I never will be.

nice write! keep it up

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member

since 2009-03-11

Posts 1257
Louisiana

6 posted 2010-03-05 11:08 AM

Sometimes when you write from the emotion you're feeling right then and there, those are the best poems...at least to me they are.
Those are always my favorites of mine.

This is good, anything that is raw and emotional is, and you should be proud of this.

BrittanyJ
Member

since 2007-06-03

Posts 461
Come find me?

7 posted 2010-03-05 02:21 PM

"I cried today.
It was horrible.
I told myself I wouldn't,
but I failed there too."

Sad but beautiful.

Do you really love me? Or should i just let go now??

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

8 posted 2010-03-05 11:35 PM

thanks so much everyone : )

julianna

everyone's normal [until you get to know them]

Stitches
Member

since 2009-11-27

Posts 159
United Kingdom

9 posted 2010-03-12 05:17 PM

Touching.

'I feel like an animal, and I don't think that I get it. But one day I'll see you around.'

LittleWillow
Member

since 2007-12-27

Posts 54

10 posted 2010-03-13 07:54 PM

Love the ending! Very well done

Laverne Pacquire
Member

since 2009-11-15

Posts 96

11 posted 2010-03-21 05:44 PM

I enjoyed the first 2 stanzas.
I adore the title.

attractive

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

12 posted 2010-03-21 10:59 PM

thank you so much : )

julianna

"Many of the most significant moments in our lives come not because it all went right, but because it all fell apart." - Rob Bell

Taylor See
Member

since 2008-10-07

Posts 55
North Carolina, US

13 posted 2010-03-25 10:29 AM

This poem was lovely. I love your writing style.
For me, a poem shouldn't rhyme unless it feels natural, and honestly I prefer ones that rely on their rhythm and flow for their beauty.

Fantastic work!

And as each player moves their piece, confident and tall
They forget that they can move themselves, in the greatest game of all

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