Tree Of Knowledge - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #9

Tree Of Knowledge

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

0 posted 2009-12-22 11:29 AM

Wrote this ages ago. It's a bit...smelly. :/ I'm not too keen on it, but have a read.

Tree Of Knowledge

Standing in the twisted shade
Of a thought that I know made
Every mistake that burns my skin
With the ragged breath that I draw in

Feet are rooted to this lonely place
That flicker shadows across my face
Darkness falls and soothes the tears
Darkness falls and coaxes fears

Into a hollow that probes my chest
With an empty beat that breaks my breast
Nails claw the mask from view
A mask that people thought they knew

How wrong they were, how very wrong
To think they’d already heard this song
A ragged lament that scrapes the sky
With an aguish great they can’t deny

Agony flees with such a grace
That it tears the tears straight from my face
Bones that crumble, melting me
Lips are beaded with an empty plea

Curled beneath the wilting tree
That shelters, breaks and ponders me
Knowing every mistake that burns my skin
Is one that I now must wallow in.

m48
Member

since 2009-12-02

Posts 108

1 posted 2009-12-22 11:48 AM

wow intreging. well written, and really made me think.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

2 posted 2009-12-22 04:20 PM

Wow This is my favorite out of all your poems. I don't know why but i love it so much.

But my only critique is that when you said "Nails claw the mask from view," the rhythm was off. (Not that I'm an expert on rhythm) I just noticed it. This is going into my library for sure.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

3 posted 2009-12-22 04:53 PM

Just excellent!

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

4 posted 2010-01-01 07:01 PM

Wow, thanks guys. (: I was rather suprised at your comments as i found this a bit wishy washy when i read it through. Yeah, there are a few bumpy bits in there. Sometimes it reads through alright and other times it just won't fit in!

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.