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Teen Poetry #9

Morphine

Snow_Angel
Junior Member

since 2009-12-18

Posts 17

0 posted 2009-12-18 08:01 PM

Drowning
Suffocating
No longer able to reach the surface
I can't reach the hand held out to me
But I don't know if I want to

No pain here
Just deranged happiness

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

1 posted 2009-12-18 08:19 PM

That is a very dangerous pain killer if not regulated properly. It takes away the pain, and yet I thought this could be a metaphor for anything like love, caring, etc. Well done.

ThatOneGuy
Junior Member

since 2009-10-27

Posts 33
Indiana, United States

2 posted 2009-12-26 02:01 AM

i really like this because it made me think of all the possible things it could mean/you could have meant by it. that is a mark of good writing

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2009-12-27 08:55 AM

Sarah, some excellent writing.

M

duckboy
New Member

since 2010-01-02

Posts 8

4 posted 2010-01-02 03:37 AM

Your first two lines are great. For me it sort of opened up multiple meanings to the poem.

Phillip
New Member

since 2010-01-05

Posts 3
Canada

5 posted 2010-01-05 04:33 AM

I personally think that some more imagery could take this poem closer to the reader. Either way, it is short and sweet. Respect for putting your ideas up for public view.

Snow_Angel
Junior Member

since 2009-12-18

Posts 17

6 posted 2010-01-05 06:53 PM

Thanks for all the great input and feedback everyone.

And the point of this was to let the reader think what they wanted. It was to let them ponder on what it meant. Making it mean something more personal to them than making them see what I was seeing.

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

7 posted 2010-01-21 07:09 PM

great post and great read. very interesting indeed. morphine is a killer no more than a filler. but you put it to words and its so good it burns.

~ you cant run from yourself ~

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