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Teen Poetry #9
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A Pretty Plastic Planet
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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A Pretty Plastic Planet |
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Octave Member
since 2008-07-29
Posts 186Highlands, Scotland. |
Rythm and rhyme are both pretty out in places, but i wasn't too fussed with those aspects. Was just trying something different and concentrating more on imagery than pretty flow. A Pretty Plastic Planet Lying in the dew stained grass Ink stained fingers pinching blades Pulling them straight from their birth With the scent of sickened earth Sky splattered out over empty head A ruffled blanket of sleazed mistakes Which spin drunkenly, mauling light Probing stars and splintered night Yellowed fingers are stalking sun Seeking the cracks that line the world Which lie in an advert lined cardboard box Held with humour and paper locks Weaving distaste between the faults And millions of failed futile points Encumbered with meaningless metaphors Which sink the ship and lick the floors Soaking up the damp warmth of defeat Which drips down my face in wasted sweat Lying in the gutter of a squandered existence Merrily oblivious to this humanity caused mess. [This message has been edited by Octave (12-11-2009 03:29 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2009 Octave - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Belinda Member
since 2006-01-30
Posts 126UK |
YES, i loved it. There was just so much to see and the words just .. played in my mouth. Sounds pretty weird huh, but it's true. I really enjoyed this write, nice work. Belinda~* Expect nothing, Prepare for anything. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Octave's done it again! Created another masterpiece with ease.  (Library) -Zach |
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Ravagence Member
since 2009-08-16
Posts 79 |
You are amazing. I find this poem like a glass of cold lemonade on a hot summers day. It's almost delicious. I could eat it everyday for the rest of my life. It's been a pleasure to read it. |
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Mysteria
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I can't tell you have wonderful this poem read out loud! Beautifully thought out, constructed, and presented. Kudos! Your imagery and scene setting was just dead on.  Happy Holidays ♥ Mysteria ♥ |
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Octave Member
since 2008-07-29
Posts 186Highlands, Scotland. |
Wow, thanks for all the comments everyone! It makes me very happy to hear such positive feedback, especially on a poem i wrote totally on a whim. (: |
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