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Teen Poetry #9

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Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

0 posted 2009-10-10 12:46 PM

Euuugh. Had a go at some free verse. I truely suck at it. Crit very much welcome.

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How lonesome
That sun must be
Sitting upon the sky
The clouds slink by and
The rays are soaked with greed.
With such greed.

And how lonesome
That moon must be,
Sitting amongst the stars
The dark a blanket
Upon silver shoulders
As other’s sleep on by.

Each oblivious to the other
As they guard
The brooding heavens.
Shining weakly
Shining weakly,
Fixed upon this plate.

Waiting for that moment
Where they meet
Face to face.
If only existence
Were not so cruel.

priyanka
Member

since 2009-06-15

Posts 216
india

1 posted 2009-10-10 06:22 PM

Imaginative...
Great write...
I'm picturing the stars and moon and their loneliness...
great write!

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

2 posted 2009-10-10 10:07 PM

Wish I had half your talent. My imagery doesn't come close with what you can come up with. Amazing imagery, dazzling words. Though I like it when you rhyme.

-Zach

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

3 posted 2009-10-16 08:46 AM

Thank you so much, both of you.

Ah, you know thats not true Zach. (:

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