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Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

0 posted 2009-01-17 10:13 PM

Okay, I edited it and made some changes so that it wouldn't get taken off this time. Hope it works...

Down in the depths
I lay here—paralyzed.
Not being able to move,
But feeling all the pain in me.

My neck aches and my wrists burn,
All the emotional pain in me…
Wanting to scream its way out.
But I shouldn’t let it out, “keep it in.”

I felt myself sinking into the sidewalk,
My heart yelling at the people around me.
I see the knife just two feet away,
And my fingers grasp it for relief.

The blade against my skin feels cold,
Almost refreshing from the heat of day.
My mind goes blank for almost a second,
but I can't do it and the knife drops to the cold cement.

There's got to be another way,
another way to deal with all this pain.
Please will someone help me find myself,
and help me remember how being "happy" is...

Somewhere on another sidewalk
another person lay's just like me,
hurting and wanting a way out.
I'll find them...and we can help each other.

?ul!@nn@

these broken pieces of my heart are to shattered to be put back together again

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2009-01-17 10:26 PM

Okay this poem is just wow! I really like it. Especially the last stanza! Its just wow.

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

2 posted 2009-01-17 10:29 PM

thanks zach. this is a whole lot different than the other version, lol. so i'm glad its getting some feed-back early on.

?ul!@nn@

these broken pieces of my heart are to shattered to be put back together again

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

3 posted 2009-01-18 07:36 PM

Wow, this really spoke to me, i guess i'm another person looking for another way. the 5th stanza spoke to me the most. Good job, hope you find your way out!

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

4 posted 2009-01-18 07:38 PM

thanks, i hope so too...i'm tired of being like this.

?ul!@nn@

these broken pieces of my heart are to shattered to be put back together again

Penwing
Member

since 2009-07-27

Posts 73
Waverly, MN

5 posted 2009-07-27 06:18 PM

i love it!!!! it truely defines how some of us feel i hope you can find a way through your tough times and know we all support you

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

6 posted 2009-07-27 06:37 PM

thank you.

julianna

.:.:~]you clicked your heals and wished for me[~:.:.

Penwing
Member

since 2009-07-27

Posts 73
Waverly, MN

7 posted 2009-07-29 10:24 AM

your welcome, keep on writing, and know you always have friends here

crosscountry83
Member

since 2009-07-30

Posts 345

8 posted 2009-08-03 02:26 PM

Amazing poem, It's very sad but its good. You created tone well. I hope you feel better soon.

Rileigh

Just.Another.Falling.Star
Member

since 2008-05-08

Posts 422
Canada

9 posted 2009-08-03 03:26 PM

thanks, crosscountry83!

julianna

.:.:~]you clicked your heals and wished for me[~:.:.

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