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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2009-08-30 01:05 PM

forget me not
she says as she heads towards the door
to make her leave
with a good bye look the world shook
and i fell down
crushed by the weight of a troubled fate
we still hear the sound

i swear ill write back to you
she said with a grin
postcards and photographs
are her only friend
as she makes her way
from east new york to west LA
she can find what it means

to be alone again

and i wasnt there the night
she finished her last cigarette
and then she said it smells like home
and thats the one place i belong
so she packed her bags
and caught the last flight of the night
to make her way home

~ you cant run from yourself ~

nina1522
Member

since 2009-02-14

Posts 189

1 posted 2009-08-30 09:42 PM

good poem i can relate to this. the guy i dated had to go back to france, it was a terrible experience and i wish he didnt leave

kindredspirit
Member

since 2009-05-19

Posts 156

2 posted 2009-08-31 02:48 PM

good write.

hunnie_girl

Member Elite

since 2006-06-18

Posts 2567
Canada

3 posted 2009-09-10 08:39 PM

good poem CO good to be reading your thoughts again.
Krysti

Ingrediants
New Member

since 2009-09-13

Posts 8

4 posted 2009-09-13 11:38 PM

You write well, keep it up.

precious pearls
Member

since 2009-07-24

Posts 110
NJ; United States

5 posted 2009-09-14 09:51 PM

awwwww that was a real sweet poem, i like it alot... loved ur word patterns and the way you said things
"to make her leave
with a good bye look the world shook
and i fell down
crushed by the weight of a troubled fate
we still hear the sound"
Loved the simple way you put them yet they were so deep.... marvelous poem...

Always,
Kai (a.k.a. precious pearls)

Assassin_of_Verse
Member

since 2007-10-23

Posts 330
that So Cal

6 posted 2009-10-05 03:00 AM

"crushed by the weight of a troubled fate"
Ouch, I know what that can be like...

Anyway, nice to come back and read things I can relate to. I liked your wordplay (made me do a double-take) and the overall mood. To me, it didn't seem all that sad, but more sorry and nostalgic, as if there's more to the story.

Thanks for sharing.

There is power in the pen.

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