Regret (short and boring poem.)

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Teen Poetry #9

Regret (short and boring poem.)

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

0 posted 2009-01-15 10:06 PM

Counting down the seconds
Until my tears will cease to flow
My chest is in pain again
The remedy I do not know.

My heart is under lock down
Padded up; locked with a key
Can't figure this problem out
No solution I can see.

Target practice with my heart
Shooting arrows from a far
Now I'm drowning in my pain again
Locking myself behind these bars

I let you in and gave you shelter
Within my heart you still hold.
How could I have loved you so much
To let my heart become this cold?

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

1 posted 2009-01-15 10:35 PM

This is really Good!!

It probably would sound better to change line 3 to

My chest, in pain again

line 8 to

No solution that I can see

and line 11 to

Now drowning in pain again

It may help the flow, but i could be wrong.
What do you think?

With God I am happy; sadness has no say in my life.

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

2 posted 2009-01-15 10:54 PM

This is really good Zach, and it isn't boring. It's a fantastic poem, great write.

{~~*~~}

Emmalee Janelle
{~~*~~}

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

3 posted 2009-01-16 03:57 AM

OMFG.. ZACH.. WHERE DID THIS COME FROM... ITS AMAZING...

This is soo good it could be published.. I LOVE THIS....!!! I'm so jealous it's not mine..

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