Hold On Pretty Girl (A Crappy Sequal To Clockwork Oranges "If I Bough You An Ocean!"

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RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

0 posted 2009-01-15 03:14 AM

So this has been in the process of being completed since i saw the original poem.. i don't know why but somehow i came up with this... no where near as good as the original and an entirely different theme... but an epic love story at the same time.. ENJOY

___________________________________________________

Standing in these shadows
There’s no clarity ahead
She’s drowning in the darkness
And all those nasty things you said

You never held her close enough
Never tried to dry her tears
You stood there with your eyes closed tight
You’d been doing it for years

So you brought her to an ocean
Then watched her sink down low
She struggled with the raging current
While she hoped she drowned below

She struggled for her one last breathe
As you carried her to shore
Of all the girls you’d tried to love
You’d never loved this hard before

You sat her on the wayward sand
And held her fast and close
Then whispered in her bloodied ear
The words she longed to hear the most

“Stay awake for me... “
“I won’t let you miss a thing”
“I might have given you an ocean”
“But you’ve given me everything.”

The sirens screamed along the beach
That girl was holding on
That ocean wasn’t deep enough
To keep her down for long

All the hours by the hospital bed
Didn’t keep her man away
He placed the flowers by her bedside
With a note that had to stay

“Be strong pretty girl”
“For it seems you’ve got my heart”
“I’ll carry you when things get hard”
“I wish you’d known this from the start”

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

1 posted 2009-01-15 08:26 AM

haha. man this is just wesome. its way better than anything ive ever written. thats the truth...i guess the wordspinner strikes again. lol

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

2 posted 2009-01-15 06:08 PM

Oh wow.. its not tht great... infact my writing is getting soppy and tragic these days.. lol.. Thanks for reading!...

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

3 posted 2009-01-15 08:04 PM

Awe, Jess this is awesome. It's so sweet. I love it. Great write, library for sure.

{~~*~~}

Emmalee Janelle
{~~*~~}

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

4 posted 2009-01-15 09:11 PM

Hmm.. "One time ago.. long long ago. A girl by the name of Jess told a boy name Zach never to sell yourself short."

I guess its time I should tell you something.
Its good to be humble but be proud of what your talents are Because your talent is simply amazing and stunning. Don't sell yourself short kiddo.

lol
(library)

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

RevengeIsMine
Senior Member

since 2006-07-08

Posts 820
Australia

5 posted 2009-01-16 04:02 AM

WOW guys.. thankyou..

And Zach... i love you, but my work still sucks

rebelangelv
Senior Member

since 2007-05-28

Posts 538
usa

6 posted 2009-01-16 07:21 PM

AMAZING!

only a vampire can love you forever.
forbidden to remember, terrified to forget

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

7 posted 2009-01-17 11:59 AM

Awh, this is lovely. I think its fab. I agree with Zach, be proud of the talent you have. (:

wwzwlmd8
Member

since 2006-09-23

Posts 96
San Diego,CA

8 posted 2009-01-17 07:19 PM

this was very good and i really loved reading it

~Indya

prettypinkrebel
Member

since 2007-11-07

Posts 104

9 posted 2009-01-20 08:56 AM

this was amazing!!!! I think it may be one of your best! I love it, the last stanza was totally perfect!

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