Destiny - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Elias Nevermore
Member

since 2007-11-03

Posts 152

0 posted 2009-08-18 03:23 AM

A storm passes over my soul,
and I am left feeling incomplete.
For the one who makes me whole,
is somewhere else in this world.

Yet I have seen her so many times,
for she dominates my dreams.
I feel like I've known her for years,
although we have yet to meet.

In my saddest days when I long for her,
the only thing that comforts me
is the thought that my soul mate
is also long for us to be together.

As the years quickly pass me by,
and I remain in this anxious state.
I will continue to call out to the heavens
for someone to unite us in love.

"Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams no mortals ever dared to dream before;" -Edgar All

Assassin_of_Verse
Member

since 2007-10-23

Posts 330
that So Cal

1 posted 2009-08-21 02:28 AM

Lol, good to see that one of us has been frequenting this place. XD

Um, anyway, first stanza was pretty simple. Kinda bland actually...I mean, when u write bout this topic, ur usually more passionate, yea? Second stanza felt better (at least, to me). Guess ur haunted by things yet to come.

Third stanza was kinda weird, 3rd-4th line:
"Is also long for us"? As for the last stanza, it seemed more like u I guess. Haha, I almost always end up sympathizing with u...

There is power in the pen.

Elias Nevermore
Member

since 2007-11-03

Posts 152

2 posted 2009-08-21 03:10 AM

i have to admit, I didnt read through this one a second time, cuz i had written it late at night and just decided to post it on the spot.

anyways, you should go check out the piece of prose i wrote a couple days ago.
Its in the prose section of the site, and its called "The lonely Child".

Thanx andrew for the analysis, cuz i get everything you said and you are pretty much spot on. lol

Assassin_of_Verse
Member

since 2007-10-23

Posts 330
that So Cal

3 posted 2009-08-21 03:37 AM

Lol, no problem. And thanks for the tip! I'll be sure to check it out. Though i don't know how meaningful a critique i'll be able to put up rite now...I gotta get off the computer quick!

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member

since 2007-03-23

Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

4 posted 2009-08-21 05:25 PM

A storm passes over my soul,
and I am left feeling incomplete.
For the one who makes me whole,
is somewhere else in this world.

great opening. it really sucked me in.

Elias Nevermore
Member

since 2007-11-03

Posts 152

5 posted 2009-08-21 05:49 PM

thanx andrew and clockwork for your great feedback.

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.