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Teen Poetry #9
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goodbyes.
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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goodbyes. |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN 
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maybe baby, lets draw these waiting eyes are are wondering, stumbling through the stary skies you make them seem to shine so bright the way they dance, they seem alive and so subtly the atmosphere changed dawns closing in as the stars give way i could stay rested in this place sleeping in your arms i wake up to you beside me and that face is smiling late nights with dirty lies the smell of liquor and no goodbyes |
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| © Copyright 2009 Bryan Lucas - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Assassin_of_Verse Member
since 2007-10-23
Posts 330that So Cal |
Innocent at first, but bittersweet in the end. The only thing I could suggest is changing the last line. Maybe it's just me, but "the smell of liqour sounds cliche"... There is power in the pen. |
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Clockwork_Orange Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620Space Camp, IN |
haha. yeah but i love it. you would just have to know the story behind it man. |
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RevengeIsMine Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820Australia |
I Like it.. don't think it needs changing.. i had a sequal too ur if i gave u an ocean poem.. was half written.. now i can't find the old one and i can't finish it lol |
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