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Teen Poetry #9
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Wishes..
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Wishes.. |
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broken_smile1469 Member
since 2006-07-02
Posts 104
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I long to feel his touch his soft gentle hand in mine forever, i will love him everything would be fine the world would disappear love would fill his eyes our hearts both start pounding when they become locked with mine his arms then drape around me pulling me closer to the man I adore being so close together would make my heart soar he would gently touch my cheek and slowly lift my head look in my eyes and say I will love you til the end my eyes would slowly close my heart would start to race softly I feel his lips on mine and his warm gentle embrace although the distance may be far someday it'll all come true although at times it seems to hard i'll finally get to be with you "in a world of cheerios, be a fruit loop" |
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| © Copyright 2009 Miranda Nelson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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crosscountry83 Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345 |
Beautiful poem... I thought it was all described well and I can see a good meter in it. Maybe if you mess with the number of syllables in every line it would flow better? Such as putting an "and" at the beginning of the 6th line. If you don't, it's still very very good. You have talent! Keep it up Rileigh |
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N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 360New Orleans |
Love is such a wonderful thing, you captured it quite well in your writing. Though as it is said. "Love is only as strong as you make it, only as magical as you give it, only as pure as you take it." Beautifully captured. -LostPoet |
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