Have you seen my family ( Is this title lame)

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Teen Poetry #9

Have you seen my family ( Is this title lame)

Peanutbuttercookies'nmilk
Junior Member

since 2009-05-03

Posts 31
Terrell,Texas

0 posted 2009-07-17 01:33 PM

Have you seen my family?
It's big,beautiful and filled with love.
Have you seen my family?
It's one just like yours.

Oh,you haven't.
Well,that's okay.
But when you do~
Could you tell her I miss her?

And I want her to come back home?
No,wait better yet tell her to stay.
Why,because I don't need her.
I will always welcome her in as a friend.

But I won't ask,beg,or bargain with her to stay.
When she comes over as my friend.
Oops,hello I'm sorry family.
Is it really you ?

Why did you go?
Why did you leave me?
You said you loved me.
You promised that you wouldn't go.

Why,Family
Why did you go?
In my time of need,where were you?
When you left my home.

Turned into a house.

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

1 posted 2009-08-09 10:51 PM

No, I definitely do not think the title is lame. The only criticism I can give you is that you start off the poem with "have you seen my family" but then you switch into "her" and then switch back. It's a little confusing in that aspect. Also, some of your punctuation is off, making it a little hard to read correctly. I would suggest you go through and try to check the grammar. Regardless, I hope to read more from you soon!

~Alli~

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