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Teen Poetry #9
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Lotta.
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Lotta. |
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Octave Member
since 2008-07-29
Posts 186Highlands, Scotland. |
Inspired by a song called 'Song For Lotta' or also known as 'Sang Till Lotta'. COuld do with some tweaking. this is just a rough draft. Lotta The sun spews a golden sliver Of light across my pale face The first note is just a shiver Winding down my spine with grace Sleekest, faintest, sweetest notes Gliding through the air around Drifting down my open throat As my heart falls to hit the ground A tear slinks meekly to my eye As my body swells in such a way My breath is caught upon the high And my limbs begin to sway A sadness walks hand in hand With happiness so pure and great Too wrong to try and understand As my next breath cannot await The mellow, aching, clinging sound That gouges deep down into me Something that cannot be found Greater than what can be seen Tears of comfort lick my cheeks Stinging wounds I never knew As my poise clatters to my feet As each and every note breaks through And there it is in one single piece A throbbing loneliness that carves me deep Wedding happiness which begs to cease A smile accompanies me as I weep And the sun spews a golden sliver Of light across my pale face The last note is just a shiver Winding through my heart with grace. |
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Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
I have always wondered why that song is mainly played on the piano or trombone until now. It has given you the inspiration of a sold bittersweet write, one that is very vivid in your description, and use of metaphors. I especially loved these lines, great job! quote: Carpe' Diem, |
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kindredspirit Member
since 2009-05-19
Posts 156 |
Amazing job! Your use of rhyming is exceptional, and I especially like how you tied it all together at the end! |
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