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~frustrated writer~
Member

since 2008-02-25

Posts 84

0 posted 2009-06-18 11:05 PM

you ain't no Harry Potter who lives in magical land;
yet everything you do to me is magic in a wand.
you ain't no Peter Pan who can fly;
yet when I'm with you i feel like I'm in the sky.
you ain't no Edgar Allan Poe who writes so lovely;
yet you've written me a nice story.
you ain't no Conan Doyle who investigates mysterious cases;
yet you've found an evidence why my heart beats.
you ain't no clown who does funny things;
yet you always make me laugh and sing.
you ain't no compass which points the right direction;
yet you've found the right way to my heart with no connection.
you ain't no Einstein who has a brilliantmind;
yet you've got an idea that's one of a kind.
you ain't no Descartes, Father of Mathematics;
yet you're able to add a smile and subtract my worries.
you ain't no Atlas who put the world in his hands;
yet you've given me the moon and the stars.
you ain't no Rizal who sacrificed a lot;
yet you're my superhero with no doubt.
you ain't no David Cook's masterpiece;
yet you're the sweetest song i wanna memorize.
you ain't no Brad Pitt who's so handsome and so hot
yet you're everything I've got.
you ain't no Macintosh nor Bill Gates;
not a Holy one nor one of the Saints
but you're only a guy, just an ordinary guy who stole my heart.

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2009-06-19 12:42 PM

I like this. But work on your rhyming. "land" and "wand" don't rhyme. lol.

Keep writing though.

-Zach

moonbeam

Member Elite

since 2005-12-24

Posts 2356

2 posted 2009-06-19 01:30 PM

Zach, my man, it's slant rhyme, which given the remainder of the poem which has no pretensions at a strict metrical pattern, I think is perfectly acceptable. We don't have to rhyme perfectly all the time yanno.

Not a bad poem at all; fun!

~frustrated writer~
Member

since 2008-02-25

Posts 84

3 posted 2009-06-19 09:06 PM

mr. fallingrain, it's a rhyme.. try to pronounce it clearly.. :p

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

4 posted 2009-06-20 01:29 AM

It's called eye rhyme, it's based on spelling and not on sound.

I really enjoyed the poem!

The hardest part about writing poetry,
is trying not to write like everyone else.

~frustrated writer~
Member

since 2008-02-25

Posts 84

5 posted 2009-06-20 06:07 AM

really? owh.. thanks for the compliment ^_^

precious pearls
Member

since 2009-07-24

Posts 110
NJ; United States

6 posted 2009-07-24 09:56 PM

I particularly liked this poem because it showed the real you. It's like, most people try to use proper language and stuff when they write... but you wrote how you talk... and i feel it showed the sincerity and true nature of you as a person... exceptional job!!!

Always,
Kai (a.k.a. precious pearls)

arabesque
Junior Member

since 2009-07-26

Posts 14
USA

7 posted 2009-07-26 05:09 PM

Aww this is so sweet. I loved it! (:

Forever,
Arabesque<3

*Alli4000*

Member Elite

since 2004-03-21

Posts 3188
The World of Poetry

8 posted 2009-08-09 10:20 PM

I really liked this poem; the guy sounds like one amazing person!

~Alli~

~frustrated writer~
Member

since 2008-02-25

Posts 84

9 posted 2009-09-01 03:18 AM

precious pearls
arabesque
*Alli4000*

thank you so much for your comments! ^^
appreciated much **,

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