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Teen Poetry #9
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Saturday Afternoon
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Saturday Afternoon |
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pen&paper Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513
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Tap tap tap Fingers on keys on keyboard Is this the extent of my existence for today? Sigh. Alright. As long as tomorrow's more exciting. Lonliness has an odd sound Have you heard it recently? It takes on so many different tones You may have missed it Sometimes it's the sound of no one next to you Other times it's being on a blind date and thinking 'I wish I was deaf.' Sometimes it's wishing that the person next to you Would shut up. For me It's that there's no one here Who I really care to talk to No one able or wanting To just hang out And fill the empty space So today It's fingers on keys on keyboard Until my fabulous friends remeber That I exist And that the two spaces next to me Are still empty |
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| © Copyright 2009 Cierra L. Robbeloth - All Rights Reserved | |||
Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Aww! This was sooo good. I really really like this. Library But the only thing I didn't like was the line "Fingers on keys on keyboard" I don't know why it just sounds repetitive to me. Over all good job! -Zach "Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley |
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brneyedgrly Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125nowhere and everywhere |
I get that line and I like it! Using all 3 elements (fingers, keys, keyboard) echoes the "tap tap tap" in the first line. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
I like this, but I didn't really like the line "Fingers on keys on keyboard", either. It just didn't sound right to me. The hardest part about writing poetry, |
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N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 360New Orleans |
It was perfection as perfection is perfect. Beautifully captured. -LostPoet |
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