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Teen Poetry #9
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pen&paper
Senior Member
since 2006-06-06
Posts 513


0 posted 2009-06-06 05:56 PM


Tap tap tap
Fingers on keys on keyboard
Is this the extent of my existence for today?
Sigh. Alright.
As long as tomorrow's more exciting.

Lonliness has an odd sound
Have you heard it recently?
It takes on so many different tones
You may have missed it

Sometimes it's the sound of no one next to you
Other times it's being on a blind date and thinking
'I wish I was deaf.'
Sometimes it's wishing that the person next to you
Would shut up.

For me
It's that there's no one here
Who I really care to talk to
No one able or wanting
To just hang out
And fill the empty space

So today
It's fingers on keys on keyboard
Until my fabulous friends remeber
That I exist
And that the two spaces next to me
Are still empty

© Copyright 2009 Cierra L. Robbeloth - All Rights Reserved
Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois
1 posted 2009-06-08 02:37 PM


Aww! This was sooo good. I really really like this. Library

But the only thing I didn't like was the line "Fingers on keys on keyboard" I don't know why it just sounds repetitive to me.

Over all good job!

-Zach

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
2 posted 2009-06-08 06:52 PM


I get that line and I like it!  Using all 3 elements (fingers, keys, keyboard) echoes the "tap tap tap" in the first line.
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704
CA, USA
3 posted 2009-06-18 06:58 PM


I like this, but I didn't really like the line "Fingers on keys on keyboard", either. It just didn't sound right to me.

The hardest part about writing poetry,
is trying not to write like everyone else.

N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet
Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 360
New Orleans
4 posted 2009-07-30 06:17 AM


It was perfection as perfection is perfect.


Beautifully captured.
-LostPoet

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