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lovelyswagg14
Junior Member

since 2009-05-17

Posts 12
Irvine,California

0 posted 2009-05-18 07:37 PM

Before i was young and naive
I would have done anything to please your needs
Untill the day we hit a wall
then everything started to stumble and fall
I broke down and shed so many tears
Not wanting to accept my biggest fears

I didn't want to accept any other guy
knowing that it would be just another lie

This whole time i was thinking of you
I was trying to heal the pain
without knowing what to do

It was obvious
that you had moved on
But my feelings for you
were a neverending song

And then i realized
what you put me through
and all the things i did for you
knowing I was the only one being true

My ignorance eats me up to this day
But forever my love is for you
who i pray

I can just save myself from time
Because we both know your
not even worth a dime

I wont wish you harm
because karma will get you back
you made me the person i am today
knowing how to love is one thing you will always lack

You played your game a little to well.
Are you a true person?
Its really hard to tell

[This message has been edited by lovelyswagg14 (05-18-2009 08:16 PM).]

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

1 posted 2009-05-20 07:50 PM

I like this. Even though you haven't said you want critique can I give you just one suggestion?
Don't force yourself to rhyme. I think that in this poem, because the rhyming felt forced in some places, it took away from what you were trying to say through it. Maybe try this one again as a free verse.
That's just my suggestion.
Keep up the great work.

{~~*~~}

Lacrimosa Dies Illa
[Oh that tearful day]
{~~*~~}

lovelyswagg14
Junior Member

since 2009-05-17

Posts 12
Irvine,California

2 posted 2009-05-20 09:04 PM

thankss.
I will take what you said in mind the next time im writing

)

nehematala
Member

since 2009-05-21

Posts 129

3 posted 2009-05-21 03:47 PM

I like this poem

If you don't like something,
Change it...
If you can't change it,
Change the way you think about it

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