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Teen Poetry #9

Trying Harder

Peanutbuttercookies'nmilk
Junior Member

since 2009-05-03

Posts 31
Terrell,Texas

0 posted 2009-05-13 08:49 PM

Sometimes it seems,
The harder we try.
The harder it is,
To try and get by.

But just when you think,
You can't try anymore;
When you went to give up,
And crawl on the floor.

Stop for a second,
And look deep inside.
You'll find a spark,
A spark we call PRIDE.

Then try again,
With all your might-
Reach for your goal;
And keep it in sight.

Never give up-
Never give in;
If you try real hard,
I promise you'll win.

Please don't be afraid to criticize I have to learn one way or another.-SACHA

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

1 posted 2009-05-13 11:50 PM

Sacha,

I really like the rhythm of this poem.  You seem to have an ability that I struggle with in attaining that beat.  I also like the message - I think you pull it off without sounding trite.

I say good job.  I am glad you are here and sharing with us.

If you want critique, you should probably go into your profile and mark "yes" where it asks if you want your poetry critiqued.  If you need help, let a teen moderator know or you can email me.

Alison

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

2 posted 2009-05-14 11:18 PM

Great write, I really like this.

P.S. Welcome the PIP.

{~~*~~}

Lacrimosa Dies Illa
[Oh that tearful day]
{~~*~~}

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