I know! - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

0 posted 2009-03-30 02:23 PM

I'm really bad at free verse, but I just don't feel like rhyming or using meter.

Smiles awake the room,
As you walk in
And glance at me,
With your transparent eyes,

And as others
See love and warmth,
I still wonder,
As to what it really means.

You claim to love me,
But as your hand
Squeezes your cane,
I lose my breath.

As you look away,
I lose control
Of my limbs.
You hold me down.

And when you whisper,
I hear the screams.
My thoughts intertwine
With yours,

And I know
The meaning of your words.
I know what you yell,
What keeps your eyes on me.

Yeah, I know.
I've always known,
But I found comfort
In denial.

To deny that I hear you say,
“I want you to die”
But the truth is,
I’m already dead.

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick

[This message has been edited by freeand2sexy (03-30-2009 03:29 PM).]

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

1 posted 2009-03-30 05:02 PM

Hmmm.. this poem is just... I don't know... its just different I guess you could say. It wasn't my favorite of yours. =/

-Zach

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

2 posted 2009-03-30 05:18 PM

Free verse is just not for me, I guess, or maybe i need to learn more about it and practice.

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

3 posted 2009-03-30 07:47 PM

I don't know if there's much to know about free verse. Its pretty much self-explanatory. I think practice makes perfect.

When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you.

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

4 posted 2009-03-30 07:56 PM

Oh there's a lot to know about free verse, well at least in my opinion.

Anyways I posted one in open, called Love's Twin, I think it's a lil better than this one, but only a lil.

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick

KebiraAmani
New Member

since 2009-04-02

Posts 5
Canada

5 posted 2009-04-02 10:02 PM

I like the rawness of it. The pure feeling. No extras.
I like it (:

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

6 posted 2009-04-02 10:29 PM

Thank you!

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick

Kalysta
Junior Member

since 2009-04-02

Posts 41
Ohio

7 posted 2009-04-08 05:26 PM

I thought this one was really good thought it seemed a little forced. But it was still good. I liked it alot. It was different. Not like all the ones you see posted every day. This one stands out more than usual for some reason. I dont know why but it does. Good wright.

~Kalysta~

~Kalysta~

freeand2sexy
Senior Member

since 2008-09-12

Posts 704
CA, USA

8 posted 2009-04-08 08:59 PM

Thank you, it's not my best, but it's different than what I usually write. I just wish I was better at free verse.

"I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.