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Teen Poetry #9
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Only Myself To Blame
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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Only Myself To Blame |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois 
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I don't know about this. I just felt like writing. I think it needs more to add. But I'll let you guys disgussed that Morphine running through my veins Calming ever memory and pain My eyes growing darker then before It kills me to just know That the truth stands before me That in daylight it screams to be A numb feeling suppressed My heart beats solomnly within my brest I'm becoming less then the rest Your smothering me to become the best Suffering in my own shame Finding only myself to blame |
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| © Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved | |||
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
I really like the two first lines, they really drew me in. The last line in the first stanza didn't rhyme, like I expected it to, so it kinda mest up the flow. But I did like the ending, and I don't know if you need to add more, I think that's up to you. Jesus loves you! Don't believe it? Then at least believe that I love you! I may not know you, but you're a person too, and you deserve to be loved. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Well I like the ending. But I was just thinking, maybe I need a stanza in between the 2nd and 3rd stanza. I don't know. Just a thought.  -Zach When I see your smile, and I know it’s not for me, that’s when I’ll miss you. |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
Well, now that I think about it, I think you should add another stanza between your 2nd and 3rd, if you can. "I can't see my forehead!" -Patrick |
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